Storm of Emotion

Just in case you didn't receive our email I wanted to let you know after great consideration and lots of prayers, we have decided to stop the adoption process. I can tell you even though we feel this is the right thing for us it is definitely one of the most painful decisions we have ever made. We just know we cant keep riding this train of emotions anymore. We will concentrate on taking care of each other and healing our grief. Any and all prayers are appreciated.

There are so many things I wish I had never done like buying her name sign. Oh my how I love that sign. For those of you who don't know her name was going to be Layla Grace... I wish I hadn't finished her room. Although, it is so beautiful and sweet. I went in and sat in her chair and held Lilly and cried for a while yesterday. So many times in the past I sat there holding Lilly with a smile. Telling her when the "real baby" comes she wont be able to fit on my lap too. I have to call BabiesRus and see if they will take back some of the furniture, all the stuff I bought, and cancel my baby registry.

I am not sure if I will be on line for a while I know right now I am pretty raw and trying not to limit what I will and will not do for now. I do know God will get us through this and as always I praise Him in this storm... Keep lifting us up though...

NOOOO!!!!!!

Okay so I am at my breaking point again... I just came downstairs to find the brand new approved Home Studies that just arrived last night shredded in pieces on the floor. An unbelievable pain shot through my heart then throat as I cried out NOOOOOO!!!! Bruiser and Lilly instantly shot out of the room. I don't think Lilly has ever heard my voice go that high or loud. I know they can be replaced but I don't want to replace them. I want it done, I want it done. I want in done... I don't want to wait one more day!!!

Lord, Please Please Please, show me you in this because I cant take it anymore.

Hurry up and Wait

So, I thought we were finished with all the paperwork and such. I was wrong!!! They did finish our Family Profile and it looks great. I put my whole heart in it and I actually cried while reading it and want to have a baby to allow us to adopt.

Anyway, American Adoptions has been waiting on some paperwork from our Home Study Social Worker and I don't think the communication between the two has been all that stellar. So once again when we thought we were nearing the end and nope its hurry up and wait... UUUUGGGGHHH...

Then to top it off I got my hair colored and it is horrible, seriously, horrible... On a happy note, I remembered I had some brownies and that made me smile...

Pet Rules

So I got this email and laughed and laughed and if you have animals you will totally relate. Just thought I would share it...

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.!

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal.To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Happy Easter

Hope you all had a blessed Easter...

We spent the day with the most beautiful baby in the world... Oh my it was so special holding her in my arms watching her eat and sleep. Her mom (Kila) is so easy going and let me hold her for hours. Poor Tim is still afraid of her he had the stiff arm so she started crying. He quickly handed her back to me. It did my heart good that she instantly calmed... Mamaw has the magic touch... She is a true testimony to pure love. I just look at her and and love her with all of my heart.

Choice

I promise, this is going to be a little different then my last post... Sooooo sorry for the doldrums and negativity...
I know not everything in this life is going to be easy but it is my choice how I will handle every situation. I choose to be happy and focus on all the amazing gifts and people who love me. Life is an amazing gift in itself and I am not promised tomorrow. Please remind me of this if I start having a pity party again...

Sorry in advance

You know its funny, I consider myself to be an upbeat, giving, positive, God loving/fearing person. I have the love of a wonderful husband, great dogs, (even Bruiser) wonderful home. Life is beautiful... Lately, I just feel sad and alone. I almost feel abandoned. Now I'm sure there are some major factors in this feeling. One being the fact that my mother died unexpectedly less then a year ago. Two having this roller coaster of emotions over this adoption. Third having allot of family problems. I want to run away. I just want some peace back in my life. I think that is a major part of wanting to pull out of the adoption. If we pull out, then its over, I don't have to think about it everyday. I'm sorry for being a downer, just really felt the need to express myself. Although it doesnt sound like it, I totally trust in God and know that He will get me through this. I will continue to praise Him in this storm. I know when we come out of this I will have a great testimony.


I am thinking about making this blog private. Not sure yet but let me know if you would like an invite just in case...