Sitting Around

Why is it when your just sitting around doing nothing its kind of nice. Yet when you have to sit around doing nothing it's torture? I have realized the less I do the better I get, yet knowing I have to take it easy only makes me want to move furniture and clean behind it. The old saying you always want what you cant have comes to mind... I never had a problem sitting around watching TV all day in the past... Oh well, soon enough this will all seem like a faded dream.

I have Vertigo and let me tell you it stinks. I went to the Doctors last week and he said that it was viral and would only last up to a week. Well, we are going on two weeks now and I am not liking it at all. Thank God I am only dizzy, no nausea, or ear problems. Just feel a little drunk, woo hoo...

Other then that life is beautiful and I am blessed to be on this earth. If I don't write again I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR, my wish is that you treasure your family and loved ones and have peace, love, health, and joy all through the new year...

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas.... Hope your day was filled to the brim with love and laughter.

Also wanted to thank God for bringing me home for Christmas, it was the greatest gift ever being able to spend time with family. I was so far away for so long I cant even express how lucky I feel to be here. I am blessed....

Back to the ER

Well, I have had a cough this week and my fistula reopened so I have to go back to the ER and have a feeding tube put in... I am so unhappy about this. Although the liquid diet wasn't my favorite I felt so free. I am hoping that this time they put the one that goes into your side and directly into the intestines. That would be soooo much better. We shall see... I am waiting until tomorrow morning to go being that its not a real urgent matter. I just leak a bit of what I drink...

Anyway, keep me in your prayers...

Where have you been...

Okay so you may be wondering, where have you been. Without going into details, I have been in the hospital for the past two months. Monday was my first night home since October 6th. I came home to finish healing at home my feeding tube got blocked Tuesday morning so I had to go back to the ER. They decided after more tests that I would be able to take it out and start on a liquid diet. Woo Hoo... So, Praise God, I will be my old healthy self very soon. I go back on Wednesday and believe they will be putting me on a soft diet. I cant wait I haven't eaten anything since October 5th. So, the thought of apple sauce sends chills down my spine... Things are looking up and I feel great...

Thanks to all my family and friends who sent their love and prayers on my behalf. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Tim you are the best husband in the world I couldn't love you more.

To my babies, I am so sorry for leaving you for so long I missed you every day. Thank you for not holding a grudge and loving me unconditionally. I love all three of you so much.

Kazakhstan

Just a little tid bit of information... The show The Amazing Race is going to have a pit stop in Kazakhstan. Just thought my friends who have been there might find it interesting and want to watch.

Retreat

Oh My Gosh, the retreat was just the thing I needed... I cant tell you how amazing, inspiring, uplifting last weekend was. It is so true when they say you are where you are supposed to be. I fought with myself about going to the retreat. I kept telling myself I didn't need it, I wouldn't know many people, I would be an outsider. I couldn't have been more wrong, in the end I felt like I was brought there under the premise of a woman's retreat only to find it was a weekend all about lifting me up. I am telling you I felt the presence of God the second I walked in the doors. All trepidation left me instantly.
Friday night after the "festivities" we played games and just had time together, that was nice. After that we all went to bed. I am not a good sleeper, I have said it in the past I don't like lights, noise and such so I tossed and turned almost all night. Then we had an amazing heartfelt day on Saturday. I laughed and cried the hardest I ever have this weekend. I hope I am not breaking any trusts because what happens at the retreat stays at the retreat. but at the end we have a circle and just talk about what blessed us. One of the girls was speaking and then she said, ( I will paraphrase) there is someone here that blessed me, I didn't even speak with her at length but Stephany (that's right little ole me) just being near you is like being near happiness, there is something about you that draws people to you... others around just shook their heads in agreement. Are you kidding me, oh my gosh, my heart was so touched I thought it would burst. Then it was my turn to talk, now let me tell you, I am not shy one on one or with the family. However, part of the point of this blog was to say things I couldn't say out loud... Well, put me in a group and I want to pass out. I opened my mouth and tears came, I struggled my way with a few words and had to take a few breaks. I got out most of what I had to say but I could have gone on and on about how blessed I was. I thank God for bringing me there for all the ladies who poured out their hearts, for the hugs, the laughter, the candy, for their love of me, and mostly the love God has for me, and me back in Him...
Here I have spent the past year feeling so alone, like nobody cared, yes, trusting and loving God but not with the passion I feel today. I like to say often that I am blessed but I only realized how much this weekend.
Although, Saturday evening Aunt Edd brought me to the church I had a headache from lack of sleep and crying. Tim picked me up there and almost instantly I felt sick. The second we put the car in park I was in the house throwing up, where it commenced for a while. I was up most of the night. I am now at a point where I am feeling normal. Could have done without that... tee hee hee

Womens Retreat

This weekend I am going to a women's retreat with our church. I should say its not our church its a church we used to attend. We still love the church and everyone in it. Especially our family there. We have been praying as to where we should be. I feel we are being called to make a change one way or another. Not that I think church is the only answer. I do feel like I have a great relationship with God. I love, trust, and try to honor Him in all ways. I do feel that I am a good Christian. I think a good way to describe me is a liberal conservative if that makes sense. I try to love everyone and let everyone be who they are. Who am I to judge anyone else, I have to enough flaws of my own to not worry about someone elses. Anyway I was feeling a little odd about going. Now I'm stoked and ready to go... it will be a great weekend...