My heart is healing and I am coming alive again. I was going through what was hopefully the roughest time of my life. There were days I didn't think I was going to make it. I now know that I was truly depressed. A feeling I didn't want to admit to at the time. I thank my husband and friends out there who supported me and helped me through this time. I thank God who held me even when I forgot that He was there. I tell you if you ever feel this way never be ashamed to ask for help. from friends, family, doctors, anyone who will listen. Its okay!!!
Its odd that many years ago I had to make a choice between babies and my husband. I wanted them he didn't. Then this time Tim again wanted to stop this adoption, I needed a break when he was done altogether. There were many pressures and uncertainty in the Kaz adoption and Tim finally said we need to end this, I don't want to travel over seas anymore. So reluctantly I stopped it. Then when we started Domestic adoption it seemed one thing after another got in the way and I knew I needed a rest but Tim was done altogether... I didn't want to say too much about it earlier for fear of sounding venomous or spiteful. I love my husband and respect and understand where he is coming from. I just wish he had never brought up the adoption in the first place. ... This might have been a journey I may not have taken. Yet agian, I have "met" some amazing blog friends along the way and fell in love with children I have only seen pictures of.
It can be rough when you don't understand why of it all? I know in my heart I would have been a great mother. I could have really made a difference... We would have been really involved parents.... I have been trying not to focus on the whys and why nots of it all. There is a reason and God willing I will find out one day. I have decided to get my butt in shape and when we do move and get settled I am going to volunteer and hopefully coach in the special Olympics. The Special Olympics have always held a special place in my heart. Tim and I have talked about it for years well its time to stop talking and start doing...
1 comment:
I am happy that your heart is finding some peace even though you still have unanswered questions. Having a goal ahead will help the healing process and the Special Olympics is such a great goal. Remember you are a great person and you do have a purpose in life. I wish you the best.
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