Why is it when your just sitting around doing nothing its kind of nice. Yet when you have to sit around doing nothing it's torture? I have realized the less I do the better I get, yet knowing I have to take it easy only makes me want to move furniture and clean behind it. The old saying you always want what you cant have comes to mind... I never had a problem sitting around watching TV all day in the past... Oh well, soon enough this will all seem like a faded dream.
I have Vertigo and let me tell you it stinks. I went to the Doctors last week and he said that it was viral and would only last up to a week. Well, we are going on two weeks now and I am not liking it at all. Thank God I am only dizzy, no nausea, or ear problems. Just feel a little drunk, woo hoo...
Other then that life is beautiful and I am blessed to be on this earth. If I don't write again I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR, my wish is that you treasure your family and loved ones and have peace, love, health, and joy all through the new year...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas
Just wanted to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas.... Hope your day was filled to the brim with love and laughter.
Also wanted to thank God for bringing me home for Christmas, it was the greatest gift ever being able to spend time with family. I was so far away for so long I cant even express how lucky I feel to be here. I am blessed....
Also wanted to thank God for bringing me home for Christmas, it was the greatest gift ever being able to spend time with family. I was so far away for so long I cant even express how lucky I feel to be here. I am blessed....
Friday, December 19, 2008
Back to the ER
Well, I have had a cough this week and my fistula reopened so I have to go back to the ER and have a feeding tube put in... I am so unhappy about this. Although the liquid diet wasn't my favorite I felt so free. I am hoping that this time they put the one that goes into your side and directly into the intestines. That would be soooo much better. We shall see... I am waiting until tomorrow morning to go being that its not a real urgent matter. I just leak a bit of what I drink...
Anyway, keep me in your prayers...
Anyway, keep me in your prayers...
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Where have you been...
Okay so you may be wondering, where have you been. Without going into details, I have been in the hospital for the past two months. Monday was my first night home since October 6th. I came home to finish healing at home my feeding tube got blocked Tuesday morning so I had to go back to the ER. They decided after more tests that I would be able to take it out and start on a liquid diet. Woo Hoo... So, Praise God, I will be my old healthy self very soon. I go back on Wednesday and believe they will be putting me on a soft diet. I cant wait I haven't eaten anything since October 5th. So, the thought of apple sauce sends chills down my spine... Things are looking up and I feel great...
Thanks to all my family and friends who sent their love and prayers on my behalf. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Tim you are the best husband in the world I couldn't love you more.
To my babies, I am so sorry for leaving you for so long I missed you every day. Thank you for not holding a grudge and loving me unconditionally. I love all three of you so much.
Thanks to all my family and friends who sent their love and prayers on my behalf. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Tim you are the best husband in the world I couldn't love you more.
To my babies, I am so sorry for leaving you for so long I missed you every day. Thank you for not holding a grudge and loving me unconditionally. I love all three of you so much.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Kazakhstan
Just a little tid bit of information... The show The Amazing Race is going to have a pit stop in Kazakhstan. Just thought my friends who have been there might find it interesting and want to watch.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Retreat
Oh My Gosh, the retreat was just the thing I needed... I cant tell you how amazing, inspiring, uplifting last weekend was. It is so true when they say you are where you are supposed to be. I fought with myself about going to the retreat. I kept telling myself I didn't need it, I wouldn't know many people, I would be an outsider. I couldn't have been more wrong, in the end I felt like I was brought there under the premise of a woman's retreat only to find it was a weekend all about lifting me up. I am telling you I felt the presence of God the second I walked in the doors. All trepidation left me instantly.
Friday night after the "festivities" we played games and just had time together, that was nice. After that we all went to bed. I am not a good sleeper, I have said it in the past I don't like lights, noise and such so I tossed and turned almost all night. Then we had an amazing heartfelt day on Saturday. I laughed and cried the hardest I ever have this weekend. I hope I am not breaking any trusts because what happens at the retreat stays at the retreat. but at the end we have a circle and just talk about what blessed us. One of the girls was speaking and then she said, ( I will paraphrase) there is someone here that blessed me, I didn't even speak with her at length but Stephany (that's right little ole me) just being near you is like being near happiness, there is something about you that draws people to you... others around just shook their heads in agreement. Are you kidding me, oh my gosh, my heart was so touched I thought it would burst. Then it was my turn to talk, now let me tell you, I am not shy one on one or with the family. However, part of the point of this blog was to say things I couldn't say out loud... Well, put me in a group and I want to pass out. I opened my mouth and tears came, I struggled my way with a few words and had to take a few breaks. I got out most of what I had to say but I could have gone on and on about how blessed I was. I thank God for bringing me there for all the ladies who poured out their hearts, for the hugs, the laughter, the candy, for their love of me, and mostly the love God has for me, and me back in Him...
Here I have spent the past year feeling so alone, like nobody cared, yes, trusting and loving God but not with the passion I feel today. I like to say often that I am blessed but I only realized how much this weekend.
Although, Saturday evening Aunt Edd brought me to the church I had a headache from lack of sleep and crying. Tim picked me up there and almost instantly I felt sick. The second we put the car in park I was in the house throwing up, where it commenced for a while. I was up most of the night. I am now at a point where I am feeling normal. Could have done without that... tee hee hee
Friday night after the "festivities" we played games and just had time together, that was nice. After that we all went to bed. I am not a good sleeper, I have said it in the past I don't like lights, noise and such so I tossed and turned almost all night. Then we had an amazing heartfelt day on Saturday. I laughed and cried the hardest I ever have this weekend. I hope I am not breaking any trusts because what happens at the retreat stays at the retreat. but at the end we have a circle and just talk about what blessed us. One of the girls was speaking and then she said, ( I will paraphrase) there is someone here that blessed me, I didn't even speak with her at length but Stephany (that's right little ole me) just being near you is like being near happiness, there is something about you that draws people to you... others around just shook their heads in agreement. Are you kidding me, oh my gosh, my heart was so touched I thought it would burst. Then it was my turn to talk, now let me tell you, I am not shy one on one or with the family. However, part of the point of this blog was to say things I couldn't say out loud... Well, put me in a group and I want to pass out. I opened my mouth and tears came, I struggled my way with a few words and had to take a few breaks. I got out most of what I had to say but I could have gone on and on about how blessed I was. I thank God for bringing me there for all the ladies who poured out their hearts, for the hugs, the laughter, the candy, for their love of me, and mostly the love God has for me, and me back in Him...
Here I have spent the past year feeling so alone, like nobody cared, yes, trusting and loving God but not with the passion I feel today. I like to say often that I am blessed but I only realized how much this weekend.
Although, Saturday evening Aunt Edd brought me to the church I had a headache from lack of sleep and crying. Tim picked me up there and almost instantly I felt sick. The second we put the car in park I was in the house throwing up, where it commenced for a while. I was up most of the night. I am now at a point where I am feeling normal. Could have done without that... tee hee hee
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Womens Retreat
This weekend I am going to a women's retreat with our church. I should say its not our church its a church we used to attend. We still love the church and everyone in it. Especially our family there. We have been praying as to where we should be. I feel we are being called to make a change one way or another. Not that I think church is the only answer. I do feel like I have a great relationship with God. I love, trust, and try to honor Him in all ways. I do feel that I am a good Christian. I think a good way to describe me is a liberal conservative if that makes sense. I try to love everyone and let everyone be who they are. Who am I to judge anyone else, I have to enough flaws of my own to not worry about someone elses. Anyway I was feeling a little odd about going. Now I'm stoked and ready to go... it will be a great weekend...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
What is going on???
Did you ever feel like things just weren't going your way? I am starting to feel that way. Let me just tell you, these are the things that have broken this month, the grill, the refrigerator, the power washer, the lawn mower, my computer, and I am sure there is something that I am missing. Are you kidding me... ... what happened to theory that things happen in three's...
Now, more importantly, here are the ways my life is going my way Tim fixed my laptop for me. Although, I lost some information, he saved all my pictures. We found out our lawn mower repair service people are rip off artists on the first call. Hence, we know who not to call again, the part for the refrigerator came in the very next day. I just had a great day with Jordan, I have a great home, beautiful precious dogs, a husband who loves me and I am a child of God... So, things are looking up :)
Now, more importantly, here are the ways my life is going my way Tim fixed my laptop for me. Although, I lost some information, he saved all my pictures. We found out our lawn mower repair service people are rip off artists on the first call. Hence, we know who not to call again, the part for the refrigerator came in the very next day. I just had a great day with Jordan, I have a great home, beautiful precious dogs, a husband who loves me and I am a child of God... So, things are looking up :)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
7 Years
Is it possible that seven years have passed already... My heart still aches for all the victims of the September 11th disaster. Every time I see the clock at 9:11 and it happens allot, I always say a prayer for those who lost someone or who have been touched personally. Its just my way of feeling like I am keeping the memory alive. I wonder all the time about them and pray that they are doing well and have are healed or are well on the road to healing. God Bless You All.
On a better note, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!!! I love you and thank God for you...
On a better note, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!!! I love you and thank God for you...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Concert
So last night we went to the most amazing concert. We saw Celine Dion and I cant tell you how much I enjoyed it. I strongly recommend this concert to the world. I may even try talking Tim into traveling to see it again... Every song in perfect key, beautiful costume changes, my old favorites, new favorites, she even did a duet The Prayer with Andrea Boccelli it was so beautiful that I think I even saw a tear in Tim's eye. I knew the song as A Mothers Prayer and I used to sing it constantly through the adoption to a little girl we never even knew. When I say sing I mean cried through. Here are the words. I think all mothers and mothers to be will find something special in it.
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are
Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe
Sunday, September 7, 2008
First Football Sunday
Okay so I already told you we were huge football fans. We are Tampa Bay Buccaneer fans. Every Sunday we get dressed in our red and black buccaneers apparel with excitement and vigor...If you saw the game today you would probably ask why? I am not a fair weather fan I have no problem losing if we played our hardest but that didn't happen today. We beat ourselves, looked sloppy, not to mention there were a few major miscalled plays against us... UUUUGGGGHHHH Oh well it is only week one there are lots more to make up for today... Go Bucs...
Friday, September 5, 2008
Friday Part 2
I forgot to mention the Redskins game... Sorry Mom, Dad, Mike, Ray, and all the skins fans for your loss. We didn't get to see the game as our electricity went out at 6:45 and didn't come back on until after 1:00 AM. We are huge football fans and we were so sad, not to mention hot and bored when the electricity went out. Anyway, don't worry after all New York did just win the Super Bowl... so there is no shame in your game...
The Big Reveal
So, I am really excited to reveal my new room. I apologize in advance for all the pictures. One there may be some repeats I tried deleting them and just couldn't and two I didn't want to leave any thing out...
If you recall the beautiful sweet precious Baby Layla Nursery before picture
To the grown up sophisticated Stephany room. I really liked the green so I kept it and darkened the molding to an antique white instead of bright white. I wallpapered the top in a french country pattern. Replaced the ceiling fan/light.
I kept the chair from the nursery It is so comfortable, I just need to get an ottoman so that I can sit and read in here. I also kept the lamp but I painted the flowers brighter shades of pink.
My mom always called me her Joy so I saw this and had to put this in here.
I bought this table at the thrift store it was a plain oak table. You cant see well it but I painted it antique white, crackled it, beat it up, made a skirt out of this gorgeous fabric I got on eBay. I am in love with it... You can click on picture to see closer look of table.
Some of my buttons and such...
This is the reason I had to have the carpet replaced. Well I am the real reason but this is what I was painting. Why I didn't paint it in the garage is still a mystery to me, not to mention Tim
I love this mini chandelier (another eBay find from Murfreesboro ironically)... You cant see all the details but it is gorgeous...
Just thought I would share a frame Tim bought me... I love my babies...
This was such a cathartic process to go through, I had mixed emotions throughout each day and still continue to. It was so hard to paper over the pink, yet as I saw each black flower come to life I would get excited to see the new possibilities. I kept the closet pink until yesterday. I hadn't planed on it after all I love pink. but every time I opened the door I saw Layla and the past not the here and now. I am just trying every day to concentrate on what I do have in my life. I am blessed even without a child of my own... I say that only half meaning it... Oh what is wrong with me...
To the grown up sophisticated Stephany room. I really liked the green so I kept it and darkened the molding to an antique white instead of bright white. I wallpapered the top in a french country pattern. Replaced the ceiling fan/light.I kept the chair from the nursery It is so comfortable, I just need to get an ottoman so that I can sit and read in here. I also kept the lamp but I painted the flowers brighter shades of pink.
My mom always called me her Joy so I saw this and had to put this in here.I bought this table at the thrift store it was a plain oak table. You cant see well it but I painted it antique white, crackled it, beat it up, made a skirt out of this gorgeous fabric I got on eBay. I am in love with it... You can click on picture to see closer look of table.
Some of my buttons and such...
This is the reason I had to have the carpet replaced. Well I am the real reason but this is what I was painting. Why I didn't paint it in the garage is still a mystery to me, not to mention Tim
I love this mini chandelier (another eBay find from Murfreesboro ironically)... You cant see all the details but it is gorgeous...
Just thought I would share a frame Tim bought me... I love my babies...This was such a cathartic process to go through, I had mixed emotions throughout each day and still continue to. It was so hard to paper over the pink, yet as I saw each black flower come to life I would get excited to see the new possibilities. I kept the closet pink until yesterday. I hadn't planed on it after all I love pink. but every time I opened the door I saw Layla and the past not the here and now. I am just trying every day to concentrate on what I do have in my life. I am blessed even without a child of my own... I say that only half meaning it... Oh what is wrong with me...Anyway, here is my new craft/office/me room... This is where I will be every time I write to you or post my blogs. I hope you like it.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Nice Weekend
We had a nice Labor Day weekend. My parents came up and we just spent the time hanging out in or by the pool. Eating and chilling... I just got the call saying they were almost home. Thanks for coming we really hope you enjoyed your weekend. My step-mom works for the USPS so she only has so many days off so I really appreciate that they took the time to come here. I don't consider her a step mom, she is just my mom. I didn't want to confuse any of you after the recent post dedicated to my other mom who passed away last year. No, she did not come back to life...
Anyway, my room is finished. Well, I should say almost finished I still have to paint the wall and baseboard where I spilled the paint. We had the carpeting replaced last Friday, its nice but what we had was practically brand new. I will post pictures soon...
Its funny, I am still territorial about the room. I keep the door shut, I don't know if it is from myself or others. Tim came in the other night for the big reveal... I tend to be a little dramatic tee hee hee... Anyway, he said wow, it is so weird, there isn't a trace of her in here. I know, I said, the only thing left is her name sign in the closet. I don't know what to do with it... If you know of anyone who wants to name their precious angel Layla Grace you just let me know...
Anyway, my room is finished. Well, I should say almost finished I still have to paint the wall and baseboard where I spilled the paint. We had the carpeting replaced last Friday, its nice but what we had was practically brand new. I will post pictures soon...
Its funny, I am still territorial about the room. I keep the door shut, I don't know if it is from myself or others. Tim came in the other night for the big reveal... I tend to be a little dramatic tee hee hee... Anyway, he said wow, it is so weird, there isn't a trace of her in here. I know, I said, the only thing left is her name sign in the closet. I don't know what to do with it... If you know of anyone who wants to name their precious angel Layla Grace you just let me know...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Great Weekend...
We really had a crazy, fun, whirlwind of a weekend...
Friday we had the carpet replaced. While they were doing that I cooked, cleaned, and finished decorating for our niece Carley's 11th Birthday party. Then we went out to dinner with Tim's brother Ray, wife Row and our "niece" Little Leigha. Leigha was up visiting for the week and was leaving on Saturday so we wanted to get together with her one more time. I love you Little Leigha, hopefully you will be close to home soon.
Saturday woke up and finished the last minute stuff. Vacuumed the pool, vacuumed the house, set up the food and we were good to go. Had a good time just hanging out with the family. I love Carley so much. She is one special girl, she so appreciates everything that is done for her. Always asks if I need here help. Thanks me from the heart, and just likes to be with us. I think I mentioned at Christmas that she spends the night with us and we take her shopping every year for her birthday and Christmas. We just make it a day all about her. We will be doing that in a couple of weeks. We will be busy the next couple of weekends so, it will have to wait boo hoo, cant wait...
Then Sunday we met Tim's parents for lunch over at Harris's finally celebrating dad's Birthday. It was so nice and relaxing right on the water watching the boats/yachts come in. Eating my favorite foods. (seafood) Great conversation, good food, it doesn't get any better. Oh, did I mention the ice cream... tee hee hee... Then we leave to find an accident over the bridge. For those of you who don't know I am not real fond of crossing the Bay Bridge. I have gotten so much braver through the years. At one point I had to be laying in the back seat in order to get over it, then it was no talking, and now I pretty much grin and bear it. That being said I was not too pleased crawling over the bridge for about an hour... Did I mention a tractor trailer went over the side a week ago... Dad, you were worth the trip... I love you.
Today, my plan is to relax. I had planned on spending the day out in the pool but unfortunately its gray outside. So, instead, it may be a day of watching movies, napping, or reading. I am not making any plans just going with what ever I feel...
Friday we had the carpet replaced. While they were doing that I cooked, cleaned, and finished decorating for our niece Carley's 11th Birthday party. Then we went out to dinner with Tim's brother Ray, wife Row and our "niece" Little Leigha. Leigha was up visiting for the week and was leaving on Saturday so we wanted to get together with her one more time. I love you Little Leigha, hopefully you will be close to home soon.
Saturday woke up and finished the last minute stuff. Vacuumed the pool, vacuumed the house, set up the food and we were good to go. Had a good time just hanging out with the family. I love Carley so much. She is one special girl, she so appreciates everything that is done for her. Always asks if I need here help. Thanks me from the heart, and just likes to be with us. I think I mentioned at Christmas that she spends the night with us and we take her shopping every year for her birthday and Christmas. We just make it a day all about her. We will be doing that in a couple of weeks. We will be busy the next couple of weekends so, it will have to wait boo hoo, cant wait...
Then Sunday we met Tim's parents for lunch over at Harris's finally celebrating dad's Birthday. It was so nice and relaxing right on the water watching the boats/yachts come in. Eating my favorite foods. (seafood) Great conversation, good food, it doesn't get any better. Oh, did I mention the ice cream... tee hee hee... Then we leave to find an accident over the bridge. For those of you who don't know I am not real fond of crossing the Bay Bridge. I have gotten so much braver through the years. At one point I had to be laying in the back seat in order to get over it, then it was no talking, and now I pretty much grin and bear it. That being said I was not too pleased crawling over the bridge for about an hour... Did I mention a tractor trailer went over the side a week ago... Dad, you were worth the trip... I love you.
Today, my plan is to relax. I had planned on spending the day out in the pool but unfortunately its gray outside. So, instead, it may be a day of watching movies, napping, or reading. I am not making any plans just going with what ever I feel...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Love to Paint
Isn't this such a beautiful pattern...
Not so pretty when its all over your carpet and wall...
UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!So, as you can see I dropped and spilled this beautiful black paint all over my new craft room floor, wall, baseboards, and the hallway too... Could have done without that!!! I was almost finished the room. I am only waiting on some fabric to make a skirt for my desk then it was on to the big reveal... Now I have to paint the walls baseboards. I have the carpet people coming on Thursday so hopefully next week will be the big reveal but I don't know about that either because our dance card is full full full... This weekend on Saturday is our niece Carley's birthday party. We have it here every year so this week I will be busy getting everything together. I will be shopping and prepping food Friday then we have a dinner to go to that night. Saturday is the party then Sunday we are meeting Mom and Dad for lunch. I am going to sleep well Sunday night...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
One of those weeks
It has been one of those weeks... First off let me start by saying if you are pregnant, just had a baby, just adopted a baby, or anything remotely close I want to say do not feel guilty... I am beyond excited for you and your blessings... That being said, this week sucked. I am guessing it is because I have so many people that are or have had a baby recently. Tim was on the phone with our niece Julia and just said bye baby and I then started bawling. Just the way he said it was so cute and I thought, I am never going to hear him talk to our baby like that. I'm never going to be a mom. Why Lord, Why? I know I am on a journey and there will be painful times and I will get thorough them but some days I wish I could just sit down with God and have a nice chat. I might point out some flaws in his plans and He might point out some of my flaws but then again I am betting He would probably make things allot clearer then they are... I feel allot better but I definitely had some pity parties for myself. Luckily they ended quickly as I smile at all the blessings I have been given.
So today I did something crazy... I cut off my hair. I have had long hair for close to 20 years. I cut it off once or twice in that time only to grow it out. Today, I went in to get my highlights done and a trim and then out of the blue I just decided I wanted/needed a change told Kristy to cut it, she was so excited, she said do you want me to cut some so you cant change your mind? I said go for it, so she did... I love it.... I think it looks great. I called Tim and told him I cut my hair. He didn't believe me because I have said it a million times. He got home still not believing me and was shocked. Thankfully, he loved it too.... I will post a picture soon...
So today I did something crazy... I cut off my hair. I have had long hair for close to 20 years. I cut it off once or twice in that time only to grow it out. Today, I went in to get my highlights done and a trim and then out of the blue I just decided I wanted/needed a change told Kristy to cut it, she was so excited, she said do you want me to cut some so you cant change your mind? I said go for it, so she did... I love it.... I think it looks great. I called Tim and told him I cut my hair. He didn't believe me because I have said it a million times. He got home still not believing me and was shocked. Thankfully, he loved it too.... I will post a picture soon...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
looking good
Thanks for your prayers and concern... Just wanted to let you know that Zani ( pronounced zen eye) had more tests done everything looked normal so she was released with a clean bill of health. They see nothing to indicate future problems... Thank You Lord!!!
Gotta go paint a shelf... woo hoo...
Gotta go paint a shelf... woo hoo...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Prayer Request
Hey Friends just wanted to ask you guys for some prayers. Our Granddaughter (still sounds weird to say it in your 30's) 5 month old Zani fell and hit her head on Sunday. She went into a seizure, she was taken to the hospital by paramedics and spent the first night in ICU having tests run and for observation. Everything looked normal but they kept her for another night again just for observation. We haven't talked to Steven and Killa yet today but even though things look good could you just say some prayers that she will be have no future problems.... Could you also lift her parents up as they just moved up to Ohio (for school) on Saturday and have no family support structure.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Another Congratulations
Congratulations to Scott, Megan and Drew on the arrival of their baby boy Gavin William Crandell who was born July 22... I cant wait to meet you...
I wrote at the beginning of the year that I had gone to babies r us with Megan and that's when I found out she was early in her pregnancy. I have to admit I have been a bit self consumed and really haven't spoken to her in a while and hadn't heard anything from the family so I gave her a call to see how her pregnancy was going only to find out she had already had him.... I was in shock, no one told us, I am wondering if the family was watching out for me or if this was just an oversight... Oh well, just glad to hear that mother and baby are doing great... Seriously, Megan is one of those people who is so natural to be around, she is so open and easy to be with. She is exactly what you see and I love people like that. Megan if you are reading I love you, and wish you and the family so much love and happiness...
I wrote at the beginning of the year that I had gone to babies r us with Megan and that's when I found out she was early in her pregnancy. I have to admit I have been a bit self consumed and really haven't spoken to her in a while and hadn't heard anything from the family so I gave her a call to see how her pregnancy was going only to find out she had already had him.... I was in shock, no one told us, I am wondering if the family was watching out for me or if this was just an oversight... Oh well, just glad to hear that mother and baby are doing great... Seriously, Megan is one of those people who is so natural to be around, she is so open and easy to be with. She is exactly what you see and I love people like that. Megan if you are reading I love you, and wish you and the family so much love and happiness...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
God Bless The USA
I have a confession to make. I have never watched the opening ceremony for the Olympics. Last night we watched it for the first time and I felt like a wide eyed child with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. That was so awesome. I am that sentimental fool who cries whenever the National Anthem is sung. Every Super Bowl you will find me standing, hand over heart, with tears on my face as I thank God for letting me be born in this amazing country. I just watched Michael Phelps win his first Gold medal and it was awesome. He is a home town boy so we were definitely cheering here, and yes, I did cry...
I also cant help but watch out and cheer for Kazakhstan. Even though I didn't adopt from there I "know" so many families that were made a family because of that country so I cant help feel pride for this country.
I want to send out a Congratulations for my friends the Bilbro's, Chris, Gretchen, Serik, and Austin. Their third son, Asa was born yesterday... I wish you all many wonderful blessings!!!
I also cant help but watch out and cheer for Kazakhstan. Even though I didn't adopt from there I "know" so many families that were made a family because of that country so I cant help feel pride for this country.
I want to send out a Congratulations for my friends the Bilbro's, Chris, Gretchen, Serik, and Austin. Their third son, Asa was born yesterday... I wish you all many wonderful blessings!!!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN...
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY... JUST NOT TOO MUCH FUN! tee hee hee
I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED, MISSED, AND THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYDAY!!!
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY... JUST NOT TOO MUCH FUN! tee hee hee
I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED, MISSED, AND THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYDAY!!!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
My Room
I just thought this was a cute picture of Baby Lilly... Looking up while warming Tim's feet...So, now that we are staying here in Maryland I have been busy working on my new scrap booking room/office. I am soooo excited about it. I am telling you nothing pleases me more then redesigning a room. I thought I would be crying the whole time but no, it has been kind of therapeutic for me. It is looking less like a nursery every day. I have been painting furniture buying supplies and such. Today I have been wallpapering part of the room and I love it. I am doing a sort of shabby chic, french country style... I will put a picture up as soon as I am finished...
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Crack
So, I last left you with the people coming to see the house again. I believe I told you that we were giving them until Friday to make an offer. We got an offer on Tuesday afternoon... Remember, our house was off the market, they contacted us. We also put in a totally new top of the line AC/Heat pump after pricing and they had originally seen the house... drum roll please...... ....... They offered us $50,000 under our selling price. I think they were smoking crack... Honestly, we really already had the house at a low price. Needless to say we wrote back that we would not be counter offering and found their offer beyond insulting. If they would like to get it together and write us a serious offer we would listen... We never heard from them..
It just pisses me off that we had a party here Sunday that lasted until around 11:00 I got up and cleaned all day. All because two people felt like they wanted to play with us. Never mind that we are real live people who have real live feelings. We have to put our 3 dogs in the car. One of them is 13 and cant jump in anymore, its hot and on top of it I just found out that the girl had her 6th abortion with what could have been my baby... oooppps our baby... Sorry for the rant I just feel used.
Other then that, it is so nice to have some stability. Haven't had it in a while. Now I will continue working on my craft room/office. I love decorating so I will be in my element. I will post pictures when I am finished...
It just pisses me off that we had a party here Sunday that lasted until around 11:00 I got up and cleaned all day. All because two people felt like they wanted to play with us. Never mind that we are real live people who have real live feelings. We have to put our 3 dogs in the car. One of them is 13 and cant jump in anymore, its hot and on top of it I just found out that the girl had her 6th abortion with what could have been my baby... oooppps our baby... Sorry for the rant I just feel used.
Other then that, it is so nice to have some stability. Haven't had it in a while. Now I will continue working on my craft room/office. I love decorating so I will be in my element. I will post pictures when I am finished...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Updates
Sorry I haven't been writing as of late I have had my hands full. I really had a good birthday week. It was very healing and contemplative. Steven (stepson) came and took most of the nursery furniture. I sat in the chair or laying on the floor for hours every night just thinking of what was to have been. It is so odd to look in that room and not see everything in order. Like I said, there was just allot of healing time.
So, as far as the house goes. Last weekend after allot of thought and need to move forward we decided to take the house off of the market. So last week I started to redo the nursery and make it my craft room. My very own girly French Country room. So I went on a hunt to all the local antique stores and thrift store and found a great table that I refinished, I got an chair and a side table and I had this sweet cart that needed to be beaten up and painted as well so I was working on that. Have been ordering stuff like crazy.... .... So, here I am steadily working when all of a sudden we get a call Saturday morning from a realtor saying that his client ( the original couple that came to see the house the first week it was on the market) noticed that we had removed our home from the listing and had a slight interest and wanted to know where we were at. We called him back and said only if his clients were interested in making an offer would we even consider moving forward. They came tonight and looked again. We have told them we would like and offer by Friday otherwise it is a closed door. So we shall see... Honestly we are good either way.
We had something else happen. Our sons girlfriend just told us that her cousin was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. That she had told her about us. She didn't have anymore information but would get back to us. Tim and I said great let her know we are interested. I found out today that she aborted the baby. As you can guess I am heartbroken. I wish nothing had been said to begin with.... It seems like once I get off of one roller coaster another one soon arrives. I am glad this last one was a very short one. Oh the twists and turns lately are just a little too crazy for me...
So, as far as the house goes. Last weekend after allot of thought and need to move forward we decided to take the house off of the market. So last week I started to redo the nursery and make it my craft room. My very own girly French Country room. So I went on a hunt to all the local antique stores and thrift store and found a great table that I refinished, I got an chair and a side table and I had this sweet cart that needed to be beaten up and painted as well so I was working on that. Have been ordering stuff like crazy.... .... So, here I am steadily working when all of a sudden we get a call Saturday morning from a realtor saying that his client ( the original couple that came to see the house the first week it was on the market) noticed that we had removed our home from the listing and had a slight interest and wanted to know where we were at. We called him back and said only if his clients were interested in making an offer would we even consider moving forward. They came tonight and looked again. We have told them we would like and offer by Friday otherwise it is a closed door. So we shall see... Honestly we are good either way.
We had something else happen. Our sons girlfriend just told us that her cousin was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. That she had told her about us. She didn't have anymore information but would get back to us. Tim and I said great let her know we are interested. I found out today that she aborted the baby. As you can guess I am heartbroken. I wish nothing had been said to begin with.... It seems like once I get off of one roller coaster another one soon arrives. I am glad this last one was a very short one. Oh the twists and turns lately are just a little too crazy for me...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Humble
I have to tell you, yesterday we were driving down the road and were stopped at a red light. Tim asked do you think those guys are homeless? I looked over to see two gentlemen getting ready to eat dinner on a bench at the side of the road. One of them was, lets just say handicapped. He put his hands together and closed his eyes and started praying. Let me tell you he was praying so intensely, his head was moving, eyes sealed shut and saying everything robustly. Tim had to tell me to stop starring because I was so mesmerized and humbled. He had the faith of a child and it was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time. I got on my knees last night and prayed just like him for my faith to be as pure as his. I also prayed for him. I don't think they were homeless but they definitely weren't as financially blessed as others. I hope he never leaves my mind... What a blessing...
Speaking of Blessings, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! TeeHeeHee
Speaking of Blessings, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! TeeHeeHee
Monday, July 14, 2008
Birthday Week
So this week is Birthday week for me... Woo Hoo...
I am a big believer in the celebration of life. I think everyone should have a Birthday week instead of just one day... I don't mean you have to get gifts everyday although just so you know, I wouldn't fight it. I mean just a week where you are celebrated. Also, a week where I celebrate the life I was given and all that I am and have achieved... I declare a Happy Birthday Week to Me!!!
My husband is napping in the sun room, I told him this wasn't proper Birthday Monday etiquette but his response was to give me the look and soon after started to snore... Its okay because there is always Birthday Tuesday...
I am a big believer in the celebration of life. I think everyone should have a Birthday week instead of just one day... I don't mean you have to get gifts everyday although just so you know, I wouldn't fight it. I mean just a week where you are celebrated. Also, a week where I celebrate the life I was given and all that I am and have achieved... I declare a Happy Birthday Week to Me!!!
My husband is napping in the sun room, I told him this wasn't proper Birthday Monday etiquette but his response was to give me the look and soon after started to snore... Its okay because there is always Birthday Tuesday...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
One Year Ago
Today’s entry is dedicated to my mother who passed away one year ago today…
Dear Mom,
I can’t believe a year has passed already. There have been so many events in this past year and I have thought of you in all of it. I probably talk to you every day. I hope you can hear me or at that God gives you the messages… I wish so badly that we could go back in time just to spend one year, month, week, or even just one day together. We spent so much of our time disconnected from one another. Both of us loving the other but never quite expressing it well. Since your death I have come to many realizations. I now realize that you did truly love me. I didn't give you enough credit while you were alive but now I see all the ways you tried showing it. I changed my answering machine not long ago and thought of you, knowing you used to call and leave a message saying, “I just called to hear your sweet little voice.” I have read all my letters and cards that I sent you that you kept through the years. How many times did you tell me I was the Joy or your life? How amazing is that, what an awesome compliment it is to be the Joy of someone’s life. Even more, I know you meant it. I know you were ill and therefore unable to be the mother I needed or wanted and I am sorry I didn't realize it while you were here with me. I realize you did the best you knew how.
I am so thankful that you are truly in Gods hands now. I Miss You and Love you Very Much,
Dear Mom,
I can’t believe a year has passed already. There have been so many events in this past year and I have thought of you in all of it. I probably talk to you every day. I hope you can hear me or at that God gives you the messages… I wish so badly that we could go back in time just to spend one year, month, week, or even just one day together. We spent so much of our time disconnected from one another. Both of us loving the other but never quite expressing it well. Since your death I have come to many realizations. I now realize that you did truly love me. I didn't give you enough credit while you were alive but now I see all the ways you tried showing it. I changed my answering machine not long ago and thought of you, knowing you used to call and leave a message saying, “I just called to hear your sweet little voice.” I have read all my letters and cards that I sent you that you kept through the years. How many times did you tell me I was the Joy or your life? How amazing is that, what an awesome compliment it is to be the Joy of someone’s life. Even more, I know you meant it. I know you were ill and therefore unable to be the mother I needed or wanted and I am sorry I didn't realize it while you were here with me. I realize you did the best you knew how.
I am so thankful that you are truly in Gods hands now. I Miss You and Love you Very Much,
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Get Out of My House
Okay so I know its a necessary evil to allow people into your home if you want to sell it but I hate the invasive feeling you get. Saturday we were excited, about to walk out the door to a friends house and got the call that someone wanted to see the house. We had one hour to get everything in order. Got the dogs and off we went. Usually a showing is about 20 minutes. These people were here for over an hour. So after an hour of just driving around with three rambunctious dogs. We come home and realize they used our phone... I don't know why but this really bothered us. After that we decided that I would stay home from now on when we have a showing. We had a showing tonight and I totally got the feeling that these people were bored and just out looking for something to do. Seriously, I couldn't read them at all...
We are feeling good about moving. Whatever happens, happens... If we sell it is meant to sell. If we don't, we have an amazing home.
We are feeling good about moving. Whatever happens, happens... If we sell it is meant to sell. If we don't, we have an amazing home.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Home Front
On the Home Front, The family is still writing a contract they just need to get their house together to put on the market. The couple still have us in their top two but still feel no reason to jump.
Right from the beginning we knew it was a buyers market and thought we will leave it in Gods hands and if the house sell we will know it is meant to be. Here lies the dilemma,Now we are having second thoughts. When we put the house up we realized what a gem we have here. Lots of room and more importantly lots of PRIVACY! Which is important to both of us... ... Now here we have serious buyer we are beginning to wonder what we should do. Should I stay or should I go Now... We are wondering where this indecision is coming from, Is it because this is what we are used to and are just afraid of the huge change... Or is it because this is where we are truly meant to be. Any advice or thoughts are welcome...
Right from the beginning we knew it was a buyers market and thought we will leave it in Gods hands and if the house sell we will know it is meant to be. Here lies the dilemma,Now we are having second thoughts. When we put the house up we realized what a gem we have here. Lots of room and more importantly lots of PRIVACY! Which is important to both of us... ... Now here we have serious buyer we are beginning to wonder what we should do. Should I stay or should I go Now... We are wondering where this indecision is coming from, Is it because this is what we are used to and are just afraid of the huge change... Or is it because this is where we are truly meant to be. Any advice or thoughts are welcome...
Monday, June 23, 2008
America's Most Wanted
http://www.amw.com/fugitives/case.cfm?id=56499
Check out this Americas Most wanted Story... This guy ran a fraudulent adoption agency and is now on Americas Most Wanted Criminals... What a piece of crap to prey on innocent people like that. My heart goes out to that couple and the countless others... I cant even imagine the pain they must be feeling... God Bless them... I pray for their peace in this situation...
Check out this Americas Most wanted Story... This guy ran a fraudulent adoption agency and is now on Americas Most Wanted Criminals... What a piece of crap to prey on innocent people like that. My heart goes out to that couple and the countless others... I cant even imagine the pain they must be feeling... God Bless them... I pray for their peace in this situation...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
House Update
My agent just called to say she had spoken with the first couple and they have narrowed their choice between our home and another. They truly love our home and think it is priced right the only drawback is the yard. They travel allot and are worried about the upkeep of the yard. They are in no hurry and will make their decision in July... They would be our best buyer because they don't have anything to sell... ...
She is waiting to hear back from the other family we shall see... ... ...
She is waiting to hear back from the other family we shall see... ... ...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Happy Fathers day
Happy Belated Fathers day to all the great fathers out there. To my beautiful husband. You are a wonderful husband and father. Me and the kids greatly appreciate you and all the wonderful qualities you posses. We are so lucky to have you...
Our house is on the market and going well. If you would like to see it you can go to www.4555mountainroad.com Its so funny because now that it is on the market Tim is having second thoughts about selling it. When we see it online we fall in love with it all over again. We have only had 3 showings. A sweet couple came last Saturday and loved the house. I was almost certain they were going to write an offer but they were a bit trepidacious about mowing the yard... I personally love mowing the yard, Tim and I fight over who will mow. Then we had a family come on Tuesday and they as well loved the house. They came back on Friday for a second showing. They wanted to bring their oldest boy to check it out. Mom didn't want to make any decisions without every ones input. I thought that was sweet. I know my parents didn't consult with me when they wanted to move... I really do think we will be hearing from them but they have a house to put on the market so it may take some time... We have decided to keep this house on the market for six months (less if the showings slow down) and if we don't sell it we will take it off the market and make it everything we could ever want. Its all in Gods hands... We will end up where ever we are supposed to be...
Our house is on the market and going well. If you would like to see it you can go to www.4555mountainroad.com Its so funny because now that it is on the market Tim is having second thoughts about selling it. When we see it online we fall in love with it all over again. We have only had 3 showings. A sweet couple came last Saturday and loved the house. I was almost certain they were going to write an offer but they were a bit trepidacious about mowing the yard... I personally love mowing the yard, Tim and I fight over who will mow. Then we had a family come on Tuesday and they as well loved the house. They came back on Friday for a second showing. They wanted to bring their oldest boy to check it out. Mom didn't want to make any decisions without every ones input. I thought that was sweet. I know my parents didn't consult with me when they wanted to move... I really do think we will be hearing from them but they have a house to put on the market so it may take some time... We have decided to keep this house on the market for six months (less if the showings slow down) and if we don't sell it we will take it off the market and make it everything we could ever want. Its all in Gods hands... We will end up where ever we are supposed to be...
Monday, June 9, 2008
Changes
My heart is healing and I am coming alive again. I was going through what was hopefully the roughest time of my life. There were days I didn't think I was going to make it. I now know that I was truly depressed. A feeling I didn't want to admit to at the time. I thank my husband and friends out there who supported me and helped me through this time. I thank God who held me even when I forgot that He was there. I tell you if you ever feel this way never be ashamed to ask for help. from friends, family, doctors, anyone who will listen. Its okay!!!
Its odd that many years ago I had to make a choice between babies and my husband. I wanted them he didn't. Then this time Tim again wanted to stop this adoption, I needed a break when he was done altogether. There were many pressures and uncertainty in the Kaz adoption and Tim finally said we need to end this, I don't want to travel over seas anymore. So reluctantly I stopped it. Then when we started Domestic adoption it seemed one thing after another got in the way and I knew I needed a rest but Tim was done altogether... I didn't want to say too much about it earlier for fear of sounding venomous or spiteful. I love my husband and respect and understand where he is coming from. I just wish he had never brought up the adoption in the first place. ... This might have been a journey I may not have taken. Yet agian, I have "met" some amazing blog friends along the way and fell in love with children I have only seen pictures of.
It can be rough when you don't understand why of it all? I know in my heart I would have been a great mother. I could have really made a difference... We would have been really involved parents.... I have been trying not to focus on the whys and why nots of it all. There is a reason and God willing I will find out one day. I have decided to get my butt in shape and when we do move and get settled I am going to volunteer and hopefully coach in the special Olympics. The Special Olympics have always held a special place in my heart. Tim and I have talked about it for years well its time to stop talking and start doing...
Its odd that many years ago I had to make a choice between babies and my husband. I wanted them he didn't. Then this time Tim again wanted to stop this adoption, I needed a break when he was done altogether. There were many pressures and uncertainty in the Kaz adoption and Tim finally said we need to end this, I don't want to travel over seas anymore. So reluctantly I stopped it. Then when we started Domestic adoption it seemed one thing after another got in the way and I knew I needed a rest but Tim was done altogether... I didn't want to say too much about it earlier for fear of sounding venomous or spiteful. I love my husband and respect and understand where he is coming from. I just wish he had never brought up the adoption in the first place. ... This might have been a journey I may not have taken. Yet agian, I have "met" some amazing blog friends along the way and fell in love with children I have only seen pictures of.
It can be rough when you don't understand why of it all? I know in my heart I would have been a great mother. I could have really made a difference... We would have been really involved parents.... I have been trying not to focus on the whys and why nots of it all. There is a reason and God willing I will find out one day. I have decided to get my butt in shape and when we do move and get settled I am going to volunteer and hopefully coach in the special Olympics. The Special Olympics have always held a special place in my heart. Tim and I have talked about it for years well its time to stop talking and start doing...
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Time for a change
So sorry I haven't been writing lately. I have been wicked busy since getting home from Florida. I have power washed and stained the deck. Planted a bunch of flowers and mulched. The yard is looking beautiful. Stained the fence, the house is spotless and we finally cleaned the garage, that was a feat in itself...
Why you ask? We are ready to sell the house and move to Florida. We have wanted to be down there for years and have been thinking about it and talking about it forever, but we have just not been in a position to do it. We interviewed 3 real estate agents on Thursday and have picked one. She will be here tomorrow for us to sign a contract. Hopefully we will sell this house next weekend... tee hee hee... Please keep us in your prayers. I am so ready for a change.
God willing, will be moving to a town called Nokomis. It is right near Sarasota. We have even found the perfect neighborhood. Even better found the perfect home. If we sell our home quickly we wont miss out on that house. If we do miss out, thats okay, the right one will come about...
Why you ask? We are ready to sell the house and move to Florida. We have wanted to be down there for years and have been thinking about it and talking about it forever, but we have just not been in a position to do it. We interviewed 3 real estate agents on Thursday and have picked one. She will be here tomorrow for us to sign a contract. Hopefully we will sell this house next weekend... tee hee hee... Please keep us in your prayers. I am so ready for a change.
God willing, will be moving to a town called Nokomis. It is right near Sarasota. We have even found the perfect neighborhood. Even better found the perfect home. If we sell our home quickly we wont miss out on that house. If we do miss out, thats okay, the right one will come about...
Monday, May 26, 2008
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Tim, Happy Birthday to you...
As you read, today is Tim's Birthday. For me a birthday is the most special day in a persons life. The day you were brought into this world how amazing... Bernie, thank you so much for giving birth to this amazing man. I am so glad God picked you to be his mom. He is a wonderful man and you are a wonderful mother. Thank you and Dad for a great day yesterday...
Every year we get together and go over the bridge and go to Harris's and get crabs. This year we got there and none of us wanted crabs. Luckily all their food is good so we shared a great meal. Then had some yummy ice cream while watching the boats go in and out and talking about our futures. It was a really great day...
Happy Birthday Tim, I love you and thank God for bringing you into this world and into my life.
As you read, today is Tim's Birthday. For me a birthday is the most special day in a persons life. The day you were brought into this world how amazing... Bernie, thank you so much for giving birth to this amazing man. I am so glad God picked you to be his mom. He is a wonderful man and you are a wonderful mother. Thank you and Dad for a great day yesterday...
Every year we get together and go over the bridge and go to Harris's and get crabs. This year we got there and none of us wanted crabs. Luckily all their food is good so we shared a great meal. Then had some yummy ice cream while watching the boats go in and out and talking about our futures. It was a really great day...
Happy Birthday Tim, I love you and thank God for bringing you into this world and into my life.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Car Jacking?
I am not trying to be dramatic but the scariest thing happened today. Tim and I were out driving today and we had stopped at Walmart to pick up a map. We had to park a good distance away from the store. I was on the phone with my daddy so I stayed in the car. Being that we are in warm sunny Florida I of course had the car running. I noticed this guy lurking around checking out these two cars, looking inside them, he went over pretended to get a cart but didn't move it. Then noticed me in our car I was watching him like a hawk, he started walking toward the store then he started slinking over towards me reaching in his pocket like he had a gun. I quickly jumped over in the drivers seat and hauled butt out of there. I was shaking like a leaf when Tim came out of the store luckily only seconds later. Is that crazy or what..
The funny part is, I could barley reach the pedals. Tim is over 6' and I am barely 5'2'I looked like a little kid pretend driving in my parents car...
The funny part is, I could barley reach the pedals. Tim is over 6' and I am barely 5'2'I looked like a little kid pretend driving in my parents car...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mothers Day
Happy Mothers Day to all of you beautiful, wonderful, giving mothers out there. It is my hope that today (and everyday) you are all loved, worshiped, and appreciated for all you do. Sit back and pick up your feet and let others take care of you...
To our very special Mom, we love you so very much and wish you were here with us... ... We look forward to getting together with you when we get home. Hopefully you feel our love from all the way down here. You are in our hearts always...
To my mother in heaven, this is my first mothers day without you I miss you and think of you every day. I pray you are at peace in Gods Loving Arms.
To our very special Mom, we love you so very much and wish you were here with us... ... We look forward to getting together with you when we get home. Hopefully you feel our love from all the way down here. You are in our hearts always...
To my mother in heaven, this is my first mothers day without you I miss you and think of you every day. I pray you are at peace in Gods Loving Arms.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sunny
We arrived safely Saturday night... The weather forecast for the week is Sunny and highs around 85. Love It... We usually come down here in June so the pool water sometimes gets too warm. It is perfect right now. We spent yesterday pretty much in the car or shopping so we didn't get home until around 10:00 I came in put on my bathing suit, grabbed a noodle and got in the pool and relaxed. That was very nice. All while my husband installed a wireless router that we "needed" so that we weren't stuck on the desk in the bedroom ... I am sure his mom is getting a kick out of that.. Hi Mom, I missed you today out in the pool...
Now to my craziness, I am realizing just how many needs I have. Especially at night. I need a very dark room, no lights, and just the right sounds. At home I have tape over every little light in our room. Here, they don't believe in curtains, they have blinds but nothing else. Then there is the noise factor, at home I sleep with a sound machine to block the noises that come out of my husband. Let me digress and tell you about Saturday night. We started in the same bed around midnight, I turned out the lights only to realize I could read a book in that lighting. The street lights were right outside our window. The ceiling fan clanked so hard I thought it was going to fall off. Tim, of course, fell asleep upon head hitting pillow, snoring commenced 30 seconds later. I sat in bed for two hours completely frustrated literally watching him sleep. 2:00 A.M. get up go in another bedroom turn on TV watch for an hour or so then realize no remote for TV. Get up turn off TV. The ceiling fan in this room is awesome but blows the vertical blinds all around and is making allot of noise, scares me a little... Fall asleep around 5:30 only to have the sun blinding me around 7:00 A.M. Get up go to the other room fall deep asleep for a couple of hours... woo hoo... So, yesterday we went to Walmart bought some black sheets to put over windows. Went to three different stores looking for a sound machine finally found one at Walgreens... I almost kissed the girl behind the counter I was so excited. This was at 9:00 and our last store... Our room is almost perfect, but since we don't live here I am not willing to install a new ceiling fan...
So, in conclusion, I am realizing why God did not bring us to Kaz... It is because He knew I would be out of my mind in 3 days, much less 3+ weeks
Now to my craziness, I am realizing just how many needs I have. Especially at night. I need a very dark room, no lights, and just the right sounds. At home I have tape over every little light in our room. Here, they don't believe in curtains, they have blinds but nothing else. Then there is the noise factor, at home I sleep with a sound machine to block the noises that come out of my husband. Let me digress and tell you about Saturday night. We started in the same bed around midnight, I turned out the lights only to realize I could read a book in that lighting. The street lights were right outside our window. The ceiling fan clanked so hard I thought it was going to fall off. Tim, of course, fell asleep upon head hitting pillow, snoring commenced 30 seconds later. I sat in bed for two hours completely frustrated literally watching him sleep. 2:00 A.M. get up go in another bedroom turn on TV watch for an hour or so then realize no remote for TV. Get up turn off TV. The ceiling fan in this room is awesome but blows the vertical blinds all around and is making allot of noise, scares me a little... Fall asleep around 5:30 only to have the sun blinding me around 7:00 A.M. Get up go to the other room fall deep asleep for a couple of hours... woo hoo... So, yesterday we went to Walmart bought some black sheets to put over windows. Went to three different stores looking for a sound machine finally found one at Walgreens... I almost kissed the girl behind the counter I was so excited. This was at 9:00 and our last store... Our room is almost perfect, but since we don't live here I am not willing to install a new ceiling fan...
So, in conclusion, I am realizing why God did not bring us to Kaz... It is because He knew I would be out of my mind in 3 days, much less 3+ weeks
Monday, April 28, 2008
BooBoo
Oh my poor baby... Last night Tim showed me that he had an ulcer in his mouth. He hasn't had one since his college days. He gets them when he is stressed. My poor big daddy, don't you worry I will be just fine and so will you. This trip to Florida is just the medicine you need... Now please go rinse with salt water...
Lord, I pray for your healing hands to come down and touch Tim's boo boo. Please take away all his pain and give him Your peace... We are safe in Your hands and we are blessed that You are holding us close right now. Thank You Father...
Lord, I pray for your healing hands to come down and touch Tim's boo boo. Please take away all his pain and give him Your peace... We are safe in Your hands and we are blessed that You are holding us close right now. Thank You Father...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Getting Away!!!
Woo Hoo...We are going to Tampa Florida for two weeks. We leave this Saturday May 3rd and come back on the 17th. I really want to get away. One, it coincides with Mothers day... ... Mothers day has always been that day where I feel like being left alone to eat ice cream, Reese's cups, and nap all day long. Knowing if I don't want to I don't have to laugh, smile, or put on a fake happy face this year is a relief. This year is the first one since loosing my mother and the first one where I know I will never be a mother, its a reminder of what I have given up. So, I think it will be a good day to be lounging in the pool relaxing and a great day for Tim to give me a really great gift... Tee Hee Hee... He is amazing, he always gives me a great gift and an even better card. Last year he gave me a beautiful card from our baby to be and a gorgeous diamond mother and child necklace. Don't worry, I am actually laughing at this right now. He also bought me a Gucci diaper bag that I forgot about until just now. oh my... I will be putting that up on ebay when I get home. I think I will hold on to the necklace for a while. It really was and is special to me.
The bad thing is Suz and Matt will not be in town. I told Suz last year that we would look them up next time we came down. The great part is they are in Kazakhstan getting their little girl and boy. I know they aren't reading our blog right now I just hope they feel that I am thinking of them and praying for them always...
So, this week I will be having fun packing and stuff... I am one of those annoying over organized sort of person that is ready days in advance... I could be ready tomorrow.
I haven't told the dogs yet, they and I will be very sad to leave each other. I am looking into bringing Lilly with us. I really don't want to leave her, she is a momma's girl all the way...
The bad thing is Suz and Matt will not be in town. I told Suz last year that we would look them up next time we came down. The great part is they are in Kazakhstan getting their little girl and boy. I know they aren't reading our blog right now I just hope they feel that I am thinking of them and praying for them always...
So, this week I will be having fun packing and stuff... I am one of those annoying over organized sort of person that is ready days in advance... I could be ready tomorrow.
I haven't told the dogs yet, they and I will be very sad to leave each other. I am looking into bringing Lilly with us. I really don't want to leave her, she is a momma's girl all the way...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Baby Bunny
I had an interesting incident happen yesterday. While working in the yard I was interrupted by the dogs going wild in the trees chasing something down. To my horror, out comes my sweet little Lilly with a baby bunny in her mouth. I yelled for her to drop it and low and behold she did. The bunny went running but of course the dogs instincts kicked in and they chased it into a literal corner. I yelled at the dogs to stay back and told the bunny that I would protect her. Everything was fine until Bruiser wanted a closer look. Lilly said uh uh big boy, that bunny is mine. So, instinct kicked in again, we all chased each other one of us screaming like a wild banshee... ... A short while later, I finally got the dogs away and started sweet talking the bunny. I tried to coax it under the fence but it just wouldn't move. I told her, listen I am not going to hurt you but I have to pick you up to save you, so please don't bite me. I reached down and put this shaking soft sweet little animal in my hands and to my amazement she didn't bite me, she actually relaxed. It was such a precious moment. She wouldn't leave when I put her through a hole under the fence, I had to give her a nudge. I was in awe at how trusting that little bunny was. I wanted to keep it :)
I thank you all for your emails and comments of support. Things are rough right now but like you all said time will heal this too... I need to give myself permission to go with what I am feeling instead of trying to be upbeat and put on a brave face when I am not feeling it. Or not doing what someone else wants or thinks I should do. Its time for me to look out for me right now.
I thank you all for your emails and comments of support. Things are rough right now but like you all said time will heal this too... I need to give myself permission to go with what I am feeling instead of trying to be upbeat and put on a brave face when I am not feeling it. Or not doing what someone else wants or thinks I should do. Its time for me to look out for me right now.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sad
This was a rough couple of days. I woke up at 3:00 A.M crying my eyes out missing my dog Cymba who died almost three years ago. Poor Tim, I woke him up crying telling him I missed Cymba,and proceeded to ball my eyes out. He of course thought I was insane. Now that we are awake we both feel I wasn't crying over Cymba that it was pure mourning for the baby.
I have a confession to make, I am sad allot lately. I am either keeping myself busy to the point of exhaustion or sleeping my days away. I am not sleeping at night at all. I toss and turn all night long. I don't think I have ever really been sad like this and I don't know what to do. I actually thought of smoking today!!! I haven't thought of smoking in 5 years. It isn't going to happen but I actually thought it would feel really good to blow out some smoke...
I am ready to pack up and run away... ... ... Please Keep us in your prayers.
I have a confession to make, I am sad allot lately. I am either keeping myself busy to the point of exhaustion or sleeping my days away. I am not sleeping at night at all. I toss and turn all night long. I don't think I have ever really been sad like this and I don't know what to do. I actually thought of smoking today!!! I haven't thought of smoking in 5 years. It isn't going to happen but I actually thought it would feel really good to blow out some smoke...
I am ready to pack up and run away... ... ... Please Keep us in your prayers.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Friendship
I have a friend who has already adopted from Kazakhstan and is now adopting here in the states. They finished all their paperwork this month and found out this week that they have been matched and selected by a birthmom. Wow that was fast. They will be adopting two babies, one that is already born and one that is due this summer. Boy are they going to have their hands full, 3 babies all in diapers... woo hoo... I am very excited for them, they are great parents now and will really shine through with two more. Yet, I must be honest, I am slightly jealous as well. Not the deep seeded self indulgent kind. The oh it would have been nice if it were me kind.
I got off track there, my thoughts here are about friendship. What is the definition of friendship? I have this one friend who I talk to and see sporadically. Yet, I consider her my best friend. I know that she loves me and she knows I love her. When we talk its like we never missed a beat. Then there is the friend who is adopting, she has been a great support through this adoption process. I have never met her, yet I feel such a connection. Is it because we have gone through some of the same struggles? Is it because she never fails to connect with me and let me know she is there? I have family members that haven't said a word of support or otherwise about us stopping the adoption, Heck, I have family who don't remember what my blog address is... ( I have family that have been very supportive as well) Its amazing that perfect strangers have reached out to me with love and kindness. I have learned through this that it doesn't take too much to be a good friend. Really just reaching out letting someone know they are not alone and that they are being thought of. You don't have to be related or even have met, just reach out, because in the end we all want to know we are loved... ...
I got off track there, my thoughts here are about friendship. What is the definition of friendship? I have this one friend who I talk to and see sporadically. Yet, I consider her my best friend. I know that she loves me and she knows I love her. When we talk its like we never missed a beat. Then there is the friend who is adopting, she has been a great support through this adoption process. I have never met her, yet I feel such a connection. Is it because we have gone through some of the same struggles? Is it because she never fails to connect with me and let me know she is there? I have family members that haven't said a word of support or otherwise about us stopping the adoption, Heck, I have family who don't remember what my blog address is... ( I have family that have been very supportive as well) Its amazing that perfect strangers have reached out to me with love and kindness. I have learned through this that it doesn't take too much to be a good friend. Really just reaching out letting someone know they are not alone and that they are being thought of. You don't have to be related or even have met, just reach out, because in the end we all want to know we are loved... ...
Monday, April 14, 2008
Progressing?
Just wanted to share some pictures of the nursery...Click on the last picture and you will see her name sign that I just adore.
So everything is mixed these days. Most days I feel at peace with our decision but the days I don't really blow.... The good thing is having the knowledge that we can change our minds. It might be we just need a break. Although not likely, it keeps me sane knowing that is an option. I also wanted to share pictures of the Nursery... I hope I haven't posted any in the past. I just love this room.
For the time being I am keeping my days filled to the brim. I am scrapbooking, which I really enjoy although I may get a little crazy in the process making sure every page is close to perfection. One page takes me a minimum of an hour. The other day, one page took over two hours. Let me tell you it looks beautiful though... toot toot... (I am sure you guessed, that was me tooting my own horn)
I have deep cleaned the house, doing closets. drawers, and under sinks and such. I still have some cupboards to do. The house looks great though.
I have started working outside this weekend and will be working on that for a while. My poor arms are all scratched up and I am praying there is no dreaded poison ivy...Lastly, there is the dreaded garage. It is a mess so that should keep my hands full for a while once I have finished the yard.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Calmed Storm
Its a new day and I thank those who have supported and sent your love to us. A very special thank you to Aunt Eddna-Wynn for the beautiful card she sent us. She sent us a musical card with Praise you in this storm by the Casting Crowns. This is one of my favorite songs. A song I clung to during this whole adoption roller coaster.
I am happy to tell you all that we are really doing great. I had some rough days there though. It seems so odd that something that hurts so badly can still be the right thing for us. However, through the pain I never once thought we should progress forward. Instead, it was just the opposite we really felt a sense of relief. I know there are going to be some rough spots in the future but in my heart know that we are going to be great...
A few blogs ago I wrote that we would have a testimony at the end of this and I now think we will have more than one. I do have a testimony already... As you all know I have been forthright with my emotions, this adoption has been a storm of emotions the good, bad, and the ugly. Through it all I prayed to and praised God for being with me through this.I relied on Him allot. I am telling you He held me up so many days especially these last two weeks. I have so much peace in my heart right now and I owe it all to God. I have felt His presence the entire time. He has calmed this storm... I praise Him and thank Him always...
I am happy to tell you all that we are really doing great. I had some rough days there though. It seems so odd that something that hurts so badly can still be the right thing for us. However, through the pain I never once thought we should progress forward. Instead, it was just the opposite we really felt a sense of relief. I know there are going to be some rough spots in the future but in my heart know that we are going to be great...
A few blogs ago I wrote that we would have a testimony at the end of this and I now think we will have more than one. I do have a testimony already... As you all know I have been forthright with my emotions, this adoption has been a storm of emotions the good, bad, and the ugly. Through it all I prayed to and praised God for being with me through this.I relied on Him allot. I am telling you He held me up so many days especially these last two weeks. I have so much peace in my heart right now and I owe it all to God. I have felt His presence the entire time. He has calmed this storm... I praise Him and thank Him always...
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Pictures of Zani
Steven (daddy) and Tim (pop pop) and sweet baby Zani...
Pop Pop holding Zani today
She is tuckered out from all the kisses she got today.
Here is Zani on Easter Sunday at the end of a long day...
Dont you just love her....
she's the cutest little Easter Bunny...
The face of an angel...Monday, March 31, 2008
Storm of Emotion
Just in case you didn't receive our email I wanted to let you know after great consideration and lots of prayers, we have decided to stop the adoption process. I can tell you even though we feel this is the right thing for us it is definitely one of the most painful decisions we have ever made. We just know we cant keep riding this train of emotions anymore. We will concentrate on taking care of each other and healing our grief. Any and all prayers are appreciated.
There are so many things I wish I had never done like buying her name sign. Oh my how I love that sign. For those of you who don't know her name was going to be Layla Grace... I wish I hadn't finished her room. Although, it is so beautiful and sweet. I went in and sat in her chair and held Lilly and cried for a while yesterday. So many times in the past I sat there holding Lilly with a smile. Telling her when the "real baby" comes she wont be able to fit on my lap too. I have to call BabiesRus and see if they will take back some of the furniture, all the stuff I bought, and cancel my baby registry.
I am not sure if I will be on line for a while I know right now I am pretty raw and trying not to limit what I will and will not do for now. I do know God will get us through this and as always I praise Him in this storm... Keep lifting us up though...
There are so many things I wish I had never done like buying her name sign. Oh my how I love that sign. For those of you who don't know her name was going to be Layla Grace... I wish I hadn't finished her room. Although, it is so beautiful and sweet. I went in and sat in her chair and held Lilly and cried for a while yesterday. So many times in the past I sat there holding Lilly with a smile. Telling her when the "real baby" comes she wont be able to fit on my lap too. I have to call BabiesRus and see if they will take back some of the furniture, all the stuff I bought, and cancel my baby registry.
I am not sure if I will be on line for a while I know right now I am pretty raw and trying not to limit what I will and will not do for now. I do know God will get us through this and as always I praise Him in this storm... Keep lifting us up though...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
NOOOO!!!!!!
Okay so I am at my breaking point again... I just came downstairs to find the brand new approved Home Studies that just arrived last night shredded in pieces on the floor. An unbelievable pain shot through my heart then throat as I cried out NOOOOOO!!!! Bruiser and Lilly instantly shot out of the room. I don't think Lilly has ever heard my voice go that high or loud. I know they can be replaced but I don't want to replace them. I want it done, I want it done. I want in done... I don't want to wait one more day!!!
Lord, Please Please Please, show me you in this because I cant take it anymore.
Lord, Please Please Please, show me you in this because I cant take it anymore.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Hurry up and Wait
So, I thought we were finished with all the paperwork and such. I was wrong!!! They did finish our Family Profile and it looks great. I put my whole heart in it and I actually cried while reading it and want to have a baby to allow us to adopt.
Anyway, American Adoptions has been waiting on some paperwork from our Home Study Social Worker and I don't think the communication between the two has been all that stellar. So once again when we thought we were nearing the end and nope its hurry up and wait... UUUUGGGGHHH...
Then to top it off I got my hair colored and it is horrible, seriously, horrible... On a happy note, I remembered I had some brownies and that made me smile...
Anyway, American Adoptions has been waiting on some paperwork from our Home Study Social Worker and I don't think the communication between the two has been all that stellar. So once again when we thought we were nearing the end and nope its hurry up and wait... UUUUGGGGHHH...
Then to top it off I got my hair colored and it is horrible, seriously, horrible... On a happy note, I remembered I had some brownies and that made me smile...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Pet Rules
So I got this email and laughed and laughed and if you have animals you will totally relate. Just thought I would share it...
PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.!
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal.To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.!
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal.To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter
Hope you all had a blessed Easter...
We spent the day with the most beautiful baby in the world... Oh my it was so special holding her in my arms watching her eat and sleep. Her mom (Kila) is so easy going and let me hold her for hours. Poor Tim is still afraid of her he had the stiff arm so she started crying. He quickly handed her back to me. It did my heart good that she instantly calmed... Mamaw has the magic touch... She is a true testimony to pure love. I just look at her and and love her with all of my heart.
We spent the day with the most beautiful baby in the world... Oh my it was so special holding her in my arms watching her eat and sleep. Her mom (Kila) is so easy going and let me hold her for hours. Poor Tim is still afraid of her he had the stiff arm so she started crying. He quickly handed her back to me. It did my heart good that she instantly calmed... Mamaw has the magic touch... She is a true testimony to pure love. I just look at her and and love her with all of my heart.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Choice
I promise, this is going to be a little different then my last post... Sooooo sorry for the doldrums and negativity...
I know not everything in this life is going to be easy but it is my choice how I will handle every situation. I choose to be happy and focus on all the amazing gifts and people who love me. Life is an amazing gift in itself and I am not promised tomorrow. Please remind me of this if I start having a pity party again...
I know not everything in this life is going to be easy but it is my choice how I will handle every situation. I choose to be happy and focus on all the amazing gifts and people who love me. Life is an amazing gift in itself and I am not promised tomorrow. Please remind me of this if I start having a pity party again...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sorry in advance
You know its funny, I consider myself to be an upbeat, giving, positive, God loving/fearing person. I have the love of a wonderful husband, great dogs, (even Bruiser) wonderful home. Life is beautiful... Lately, I just feel sad and alone. I almost feel abandoned. Now I'm sure there are some major factors in this feeling. One being the fact that my mother died unexpectedly less then a year ago. Two having this roller coaster of emotions over this adoption. Third having allot of family problems. I want to run away. I just want some peace back in my life. I think that is a major part of wanting to pull out of the adoption. If we pull out, then its over, I don't have to think about it everyday. I'm sorry for being a downer, just really felt the need to express myself. Although it doesnt sound like it, I totally trust in God and know that He will get me through this. I will continue to praise Him in this storm. I know when we come out of this I will have a great testimony.
I am thinking about making this blog private. Not sure yet but let me know if you would like an invite just in case...
I am thinking about making this blog private. Not sure yet but let me know if you would like an invite just in case...
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Circle of life
Oh my goodness, I just realized I haven't mentioned to those of you who aren't related that "our" son and his girlfriend were pregnant... they had their baby girl on Monday March 10th. It feels so odd to be in our 30's looking to become parents and now we are grandparents. Yes, Tim was a baby himself when Steven was born. The baby Zani Nicole is amazing, beautiful, perfect, and oh so sweet. She weighs 6 lbs 13 oz and is 19 3/4 long... Now we are trying to come up with the perfect grandparent names... Neither one of us like grandma or grandpa.
We have been assigned our Adoptive Family Specialist and had a conference call with her yesterday. It went well. The home study revision is finished. Our social worker sent the draft out on Monday. The Family profile should be finished next week and then we are good to go, just write a check and we will be active...
I forgot to tell you that we went to see Rent last Friday. The singers were amazing, there was not one pitch problem, flat note, no one was out of key, It was awesome... We didn't really know the premise of the show. Just a warning if you are homophobic its not the show for you. I wish it were here longer, I would go see it over and over again... Loved it...
We have been assigned our Adoptive Family Specialist and had a conference call with her yesterday. It went well. The home study revision is finished. Our social worker sent the draft out on Monday. The Family profile should be finished next week and then we are good to go, just write a check and we will be active...
I forgot to tell you that we went to see Rent last Friday. The singers were amazing, there was not one pitch problem, flat note, no one was out of key, It was awesome... We didn't really know the premise of the show. Just a warning if you are homophobic its not the show for you. I wish it were here longer, I would go see it over and over again... Loved it...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
National Womens Day
So yesterday was International Women's Day.. It is celebrated all over the world, especially in Kazakhstan. Why don't we celebrate it here in the good ole USA??? I believe women are amazing creatures and should be celebrated daily. I am so blessed to be one...
I spent my day yesterday with some amazing women, whom I celebrate. I went shopping with Aunt Eddna-Wynne, Cousin Michelle, her beautiful little girl Leah, Cousin Kim with her precious baby girl and my goddaughter Kayla. What a blessing it was watching ultra feminine Leah try on Easter dresses, oh how sweet. Even more so seeing her fawn over Baby Kayla. They got matching dresses and are going to be ADORABLE... Thanks Auntie Edd for inviting me along, I really enjoyed my time. Oh, by the way Tim, I bought a new purse... tee hee hee...
So, I am sure you are all wondering where we are in our decision making. I first have to again thank you all who have reached out with your emails and comments. I am blessed to have a group of friends and family who share themselves so freely. We are still praying and seeking God for His wisdom. We have come to realize there are two completely different ways you can look at having a child and we have really only been concentrating on the negatives. As we have changed our mindset towards the amazing blessings our children will bring us we certainly are more inclined towards moving forward with our adoption.
On another note can I ask for your prayers for my dad's (step father-in-law) family. His brother Richard passed away last week after a very quick bought of Leukemia. I just ask that you pray for his children, his wife Rose, and loved ones for peace and healing... I love you Dad ...
I spent my day yesterday with some amazing women, whom I celebrate. I went shopping with Aunt Eddna-Wynne, Cousin Michelle, her beautiful little girl Leah, Cousin Kim with her precious baby girl and my goddaughter Kayla. What a blessing it was watching ultra feminine Leah try on Easter dresses, oh how sweet. Even more so seeing her fawn over Baby Kayla. They got matching dresses and are going to be ADORABLE... Thanks Auntie Edd for inviting me along, I really enjoyed my time. Oh, by the way Tim, I bought a new purse... tee hee hee...
So, I am sure you are all wondering where we are in our decision making. I first have to again thank you all who have reached out with your emails and comments. I am blessed to have a group of friends and family who share themselves so freely. We are still praying and seeking God for His wisdom. We have come to realize there are two completely different ways you can look at having a child and we have really only been concentrating on the negatives. As we have changed our mindset towards the amazing blessings our children will bring us we certainly are more inclined towards moving forward with our adoption.
On another note can I ask for your prayers for my dad's (step father-in-law) family. His brother Richard passed away last week after a very quick bought of Leukemia. I just ask that you pray for his children, his wife Rose, and loved ones for peace and healing... I love you Dad ...
Monday, March 3, 2008
What are we doing...
Okay so this is going to seem random but its not... Tim and I are really struggling with some decisions . Here is the story. I will try to make it brief. When we got married, we decided to leave it up to God when we would have children. Turns out we struggled with infertility and so we tried many things for a few years to conceive but to no avail. Then decided okay we are done no babies... (more Tim then I) so to my surprise years later in December 06 Tim said he wanted to adopt. As you all know we started and have been in the process for over a year and as of today as soon as our program director calls me back we will be withdrawing from Kazakhstan.
We really live a great life. We are financially secure, madly in love, have so much freedom to do whatever we want or as little as we want. I can sleep all day, shower when I want, shop when I want, anything I want. We honestly aren't missing a thing. We now are starting to think what are we doing. We should stop the whole adoption thing and live our life just as it is. I talked to a wonderful friend and she said this was normal. We realize we cant go back once they are here... Are we crazy, should we stop, should we go forward... I really don't know... Lord, I just pray for Your clarity... Please keep this/us in your prayers and any advice you want to send I gladly welcome it...
P.S. on a totally different note I wanted to pat myself on the back and say as of last month it has been 5 years since quitting smoking... I have NO desire to ever start again.. Woo Hoo
We really live a great life. We are financially secure, madly in love, have so much freedom to do whatever we want or as little as we want. I can sleep all day, shower when I want, shop when I want, anything I want. We honestly aren't missing a thing. We now are starting to think what are we doing. We should stop the whole adoption thing and live our life just as it is. I talked to a wonderful friend and she said this was normal. We realize we cant go back once they are here... Are we crazy, should we stop, should we go forward... I really don't know... Lord, I just pray for Your clarity... Please keep this/us in your prayers and any advice you want to send I gladly welcome it...
P.S. on a totally different note I wanted to pat myself on the back and say as of last month it has been 5 years since quitting smoking... I have NO desire to ever start again.. Woo Hoo
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Climbing a Mountain
We are making great progress... We took lots of pictures this weekend and I went through all our pictures and found some good ones of the two of us. We got those together and all the questionnaires sent out today. Our Family Profile will be complete about three weeks after they get the check and our Home Study in about two weeks. At that point we will be active. Our contact (not sure of title) at the agency said that she thought there was a good chance of us getting picked rather quickly... I say No Problem...
Friday, February 22, 2008
Picture This
So, as I told you we are starting the domestic adoption process. We have filled out all the applications, questionnaires, likes, wants, and such and our paperwork is at our home study agency being reviewed. ... .... So all that is left is any work having to do with the home study which will probably be minimal... ... ...Then there are the dreaded pictures... I sent off all my favorite pictures with our dossier, do I have copies, of course not... I spent all day yesterday taking pictures of myself. I am telling you I took at least 100 pictures changing clothes and hair at least 3 times. I deleted all but 2, and even those will be deleted by the end of the day. Although, I did find out I have a good side so it wasn't a total waste of time... ... Now this weekend we will be taking pictures of the two of us, we will probably be exhausted from all the wardrobe changes, not to mention hair and makeup... ... We only need 3 of the two of us together... If they were to ask for pictures of the dogs, no problem, I could come up with about 200 of each of them and 200 with all of them, and 200 with two of them in about 10 seconds... Why cant they just pick us based on how happy and healthy our dogs are... That would be great...
God Bless you all and thanks for the love and support you send our way...
God Bless you all and thanks for the love and support you send our way...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentines XOXOXO
We have started the adoption process here in the states. We are not ending the Kazakh adoption at this point. We are just going to wait it out and see how this is all meant to play out... Its funny when the application came and I saw all that paperwork I just wanted to throw it in the trash and go adopt a new puppy... Oddly enough, Tim wasn't totally opposed...
Its interesting, All these months (13) I have writing a journal for and to our little girl from Kaz and I almost feel like I am abandoning her. I know its silly but when Tim originally told me he wanted to stop the International process my heart broke. I know it isn't true, we are not abandoning her, there are so many waiting families that there shouldn't be one child without parents...
Here in the states we cant choose which gender we want. So, I will have some changes to make in the nursery if we get a boy... We were so specific in wanting a girl, I am a girly girl so I would love someone to dress up and play with and I think Tim was looking forward to having a Daddys Girl...Now, I realize which ever gender we end up with it will just be a blessing from God either way... Although, I am still not giving up on twins, one of each... All things possible !!!
We wish you all a Loving, Romantic, Sweet, Kind, Happy Valentines day XOXOXO
Its interesting, All these months (13) I have writing a journal for and to our little girl from Kaz and I almost feel like I am abandoning her. I know its silly but when Tim originally told me he wanted to stop the International process my heart broke. I know it isn't true, we are not abandoning her, there are so many waiting families that there shouldn't be one child without parents...
Here in the states we cant choose which gender we want. So, I will have some changes to make in the nursery if we get a boy... We were so specific in wanting a girl, I am a girly girl so I would love someone to dress up and play with and I think Tim was looking forward to having a Daddys Girl...Now, I realize which ever gender we end up with it will just be a blessing from God either way... Although, I am still not giving up on twins, one of each... All things possible !!!
We wish you all a Loving, Romantic, Sweet, Kind, Happy Valentines day XOXOXO
Friday, February 8, 2008
New Door Opening
First off thanks for all the emails and comments I felt like I was being virtually hugged. What a blessing...
I spoke with our adoption coordinator on Wednesday and he really cleared up allot of things for me. I felt allot better after speaking with him. I also realize there is still an uphill battle but it is a battle I am willing to fight as long as we are led to.
We have made some decisions to make some decisions and part of this is we are not closing the door on Kazakhstan. We are just going to open some doors elsewhere. At this point we will be opening allot of doors like domestic adoption and are thinking about possibly moving to another country as well.
Its all in God's hands, we will be intently praying for his knowledge in this crazy thing called adoption... Thank You Lord for giving me a strong spirit...
I spoke with our adoption coordinator on Wednesday and he really cleared up allot of things for me. I felt allot better after speaking with him. I also realize there is still an uphill battle but it is a battle I am willing to fight as long as we are led to.
We have made some decisions to make some decisions and part of this is we are not closing the door on Kazakhstan. We are just going to open some doors elsewhere. At this point we will be opening allot of doors like domestic adoption and are thinking about possibly moving to another country as well.
Its all in God's hands, we will be intently praying for his knowledge in this crazy thing called adoption... Thank You Lord for giving me a strong spirit...
Monday, February 4, 2008
Please Pray
Oh how we need prayer... We are in a really bad place right now with this adoption. Things are coming up lately and we cant help but think that God is trying to tell us something. Maybe we should close the door...Please pray that we have some clarity...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Time, Time, Time,
Time is a funny thing, when you want something badly the time just drags along making each day seem like an eternity... On the flip side when there is something that you don't want say like wrinkles from aging, the time flies and before you know it you have crows feet marching across your face... At this time I wish I could speak directly to God and receive a clear picture of what we are in store for. Maybe just get a little insight as to a time line or something... ... In the mean time I have been making Thank You cards for our baby shower that will be some time in the future. We have decided to wait until we receive the LOI (letter of invitation) Then when we go over to Kazakhstan Mom will send out the invitations and the shower will be in between trips at that point we will know the babies sizes and such and it will break up the time so we have something to look forward to...
I have a question for anyone who has received their LOI or have adopted In Kaz lately Can you please tell me how long your Dossier was at the MOE? Ours has been there for a while and just wanted some comparasins...
I have a question for anyone who has received their LOI or have adopted In Kaz lately Can you please tell me how long your Dossier was at the MOE? Ours has been there for a while and just wanted some comparasins...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Our Children
Many years before ever knowing I was going to adopt I was always somewhat irritated or sensitive when people would refer to some one as the adopted child of so and so or the adopted parent of so and so. For example when the press refers to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's children they say their adopted kids Connor and Isabella... You never hear them refer to baby Suri as the child who was given birth to naturally by Katie Holmes... I found this quote on a friends blog and thought it was wonderful and had to share it.
The following quote, credited to Rita Laws, PhD, The original post was about the word "own" in regard to having children.
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
It is my hope that when people refer to our future children they refer to them simply as our children...
Its funny as I was typing that last sentence my heart welled with pride at the thought of Our Children... I so cant wait to hold you my beautiful gifts from God. Know that He is watching over you while we wait. I pray for you daily, nightly, and in between that He will keep you safe and calm any fears... I Love You and cant wait to call you my own...
The following quote, credited to Rita Laws, PhD, The original post was about the word "own" in regard to having children.
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
It is my hope that when people refer to our future children they refer to them simply as our children...
Its funny as I was typing that last sentence my heart welled with pride at the thought of Our Children... I so cant wait to hold you my beautiful gifts from God. Know that He is watching over you while we wait. I pray for you daily, nightly, and in between that He will keep you safe and calm any fears... I Love You and cant wait to call you my own...
Friday, January 18, 2008
Crazy Dream
Oh my gosh, last night I had the craziest dream ... I dreamt that out of no where, Tim brought home the baby. We didn't have to travel or anything he just walked in with her. The problem is that we didn't know what or how much to feed her. I was out of my head trying to figure out what to do. It was like no matter what I tried, I couldn't figure it out...We were a mess... ... Do you think that there might just be some underlying issues here...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Babies R Us
I had a wonderful day yesterday thanks to our beautiful, kind, funny, witty, intelligent, loving, Cousin Megan...
Megan and I spent the day together yesterday registering for our baby shower at Babies R Us and having lunch... Thank you so much Megan for your giving spirit, I would have been lost without you... ... I had such a good time with you learning about and seeing all the amazing things they make for babies. The jacuzzi baby bath was really something else. Yeah, that's right, they make jacuzzi bathtubs for babies.. How fun is that... ... I was happy to know they make almost everything in pink... Tim was happy I didn't buy everything that was pink, especially,the diaper bag... I enjoyed our lunch as well, I love a girl who's not afraid to order what she wants... I look forward to our next lunch date... Even more, I look forward to seeing you at the shower.
Megan and I spent the day together yesterday registering for our baby shower at Babies R Us and having lunch... Thank you so much Megan for your giving spirit, I would have been lost without you... ... I had such a good time with you learning about and seeing all the amazing things they make for babies. The jacuzzi baby bath was really something else. Yeah, that's right, they make jacuzzi bathtubs for babies.. How fun is that... ... I was happy to know they make almost everything in pink... Tim was happy I didn't buy everything that was pink, especially,the diaper bag... I enjoyed our lunch as well, I love a girl who's not afraid to order what she wants... I look forward to our next lunch date... Even more, I look forward to seeing you at the shower.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Jack A*#
If you don't know us or have never been to our house I should tell you that we have a large back yard with a 6 foot fence. We didn't have any neighbors for a long time and now we have a nice family with three young kids of varying ages living next door. I like to go out and play with the "babies" I catch myself yelling at Bruiser, one of my four legged kids. Bruiser is an almost 2 year old 130+ LB Sweet yet very strong American Bulldog and loves to play rough with his very Special Brother Champ a 12 year old 86 LB Husky/Rott mix and our beautiful little girl almost two year old 19 LB Maltipoo and I find myself sometimes calling him a Jack A#* when he treats my baby like a toy... Then I think of the kids next door and pray they aren't out and didn't hear my ridiculous language...
So this year among our New Years resolutions one of the biggest is to give up cursing... Don't judge us too harshly, we are not completely foul mouthed. I would consider us to be mild, considerate, closet cursers. Usually only at home watching a football game. Or when we are having an impassioned "debate"... I am really good at debating and very passionate in doing so... Now that we are going to have little ones we do not want her first words to be Jack A@# or worse.... So from now on we will have to find intelligent alternatives to these useless words... So wish us some good luck damn it.... tee hee hee
So this year among our New Years resolutions one of the biggest is to give up cursing... Don't judge us too harshly, we are not completely foul mouthed. I would consider us to be mild, considerate, closet cursers. Usually only at home watching a football game. Or when we are having an impassioned "debate"... I am really good at debating and very passionate in doing so... Now that we are going to have little ones we do not want her first words to be Jack A@# or worse.... So from now on we will have to find intelligent alternatives to these useless words... So wish us some good luck damn it.... tee hee hee
Monday, January 7, 2008
Happy Anniversary
We proudly welcome you to our first blog post... ... First off, if you are a member of our family reading this I have to tell you in advance that in no way do I have the amazing writing ability or eloquence that Requelle has. I just didn't want you to expect too much... If your not a family member allow me to introduce us we are a married couple (14 years today) from Maryland in the process of adopting a baby or twins in Kazakhstan. At the moment our Dossier is at the MOE. So we are nearing the beginning of a whole new life. We can not wait!!!!
I was recently introduced to the blogs of some amazing people who are and have been so open in sharing their experiences in adopting in Kazakhstan and they have helped Tim and I so much so we thought maybe we could help someone else as well. We also wanted to have this to express what we are feeling and to share with our loved ones so they can keep track of where we are in this process.
Today is our Anniversary and as I was in the shower I thought how great would it be if we got the call today on what we already consider to be an awesome day. As I got out of the shower the phone was ringing the light was on showing Tim was on the phone so I went over to the caller ID and saw that it was our adoption agency. My jaw hit the floor and my belly filled with anticipation. I called down to Tim as he hung up the phone... ... No, it was not "the call" we had another piece of paperwork that had to be redone... My heart was momentarily broken... Then I remembered, it is all in God's timing... He is getting the perfect baby or hopefully babies ready for us... The call is coming and we will be parents soon. We just have to keep the faith...
I was recently introduced to the blogs of some amazing people who are and have been so open in sharing their experiences in adopting in Kazakhstan and they have helped Tim and I so much so we thought maybe we could help someone else as well. We also wanted to have this to express what we are feeling and to share with our loved ones so they can keep track of where we are in this process.
Today is our Anniversary and as I was in the shower I thought how great would it be if we got the call today on what we already consider to be an awesome day. As I got out of the shower the phone was ringing the light was on showing Tim was on the phone so I went over to the caller ID and saw that it was our adoption agency. My jaw hit the floor and my belly filled with anticipation. I called down to Tim as he hung up the phone... ... No, it was not "the call" we had another piece of paperwork that had to be redone... My heart was momentarily broken... Then I remembered, it is all in God's timing... He is getting the perfect baby or hopefully babies ready for us... The call is coming and we will be parents soon. We just have to keep the faith...
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