So, I had the surgery/procedure done last Wednesday and it doesn't look good on the home front... He found a twist at the bottom of my stomach that causes some blockage and feels that this is what is keeping the hole at the top of my stomach open and feels that I will need a bypass surgery. I am going in on Wednesday to talk about the particulars but I am a little worried about losing too much weight. Mind you I have weight to lose but not that much. Like I said I am going in on Wednesday to have my million questions answered. At least I feel like there is some relief coming my way.

We have also discussed selling the house and moving closer to the Annapolis area. The market stinks, but I would be closer to so many friends, family, and our church. I have always been a loner and oh so private. After all these medical problems I am finding I really want to be around people more and feel the love... So we shall see...

Big Boy Bruiser

Today I post with a very heavy heart... Our Beloved Bruiser had to be put to sleep today. I am so sad that our time was so short with him, we only had him for a short 2.5 years. Tomorrow would have been his 3rd Birthday. This dog has added so much to our lives. He had an amazing sense of humor, always had a smile, and willing to play at any time. He weighed 146lbs and yet still wanted to be a lap dog. He was very loving and sweet.... He was a rescue dog and I am guessing because of some of his behaviors, the first six months of his life wasn't ideal. We gave him a place of peace and love and I hope he felt it every day he was here with us.

I LOVE YOU BRUISER AND I WILL MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!

Juno

Okay, what am I some sort of sadist. So, I totally avoided watching Juno for the past couple of years. I knew it would be an emotional ride I just didn't want to take. So today I was skimming through the TV guide channel and there it was JUNO. I said, don't watch it, its going to hurt you, I agreed with myself and moved on. Low and behold at 2:00 I whipped out the remote and turned it on. I am glad it was quirky as well as sad otherwise I would have fallen apart. I thought Jennifer's character was molded after me. The love, fear, want, need, etc. she displayed was everything I was feeling and still feel. I am glad I finally watched it.

Operation

Today was supposed to be the day of another procedure but the doctors office dragged their feet so as you can see it didn't happen. I will be going in on the 25th. I cant wait. Who would have thought I would look forward to being operated on but I would do anything to progress my healing. I just pray that this is the final one. I have definitely taken a turn for the worse, having pains, leakage amount, heart burn, and just not sleeping. I just keep telling myself it could be much worse. I just have to keep the faith...
I have also been hurting lately wishing for that little girl I was certain I was meant to have. I still ache for her all the time. Its not as bad as it was last year but it still haunts me. Lift me up please.

Snow

I had a really nice weekend. Friday we celebrated our cousin Requelle's birthday. It was so much fun, sweet, and sentimental. Happy Birthday Requelle you are a beautiful gem.

Saturday we went shopping and that was nice I bought a pair of jeans that were 7 sizes smaller... woo hoo. It was a rough way to lose weight but in the end it will probably be worth it. Tim went back over to Uncle Bill and Aunt Eds to play Texas holdem. I wasn't feeling that great so I spent a relaxing night here doing my nails and just chilling.

Today was my first day to sing at church... I am so happy I did it and didn't pee my pants or pass out. I have wanted to do it for a long time but was always too scared. After I got so sick I promised myself I would start doing things that I have wanted to do even if they were out of my comfort zone. I am proud of myself and look forward to joining the Praise Team. Let me say if there is something you have always wanted to do, as Nike says, Just do it... Life is short and we are not promised tomorrow...
Now I am watching the beautiful snow come down, I love watching it in the lights at night. How pretty...