Happy New Year

I cant believe another year has whizzed by me.... 2009 was such a learning year, I am learning to value each day your given and to live it surrounded by those who love you and to love those people with your whole heart. That even though the year started out rough there were so many great days so when times are hard to remember there will be sunshine just around the corner... I have an amazing husband, three great dogs, and a life I wouldn't trade with anyone... Life is good!!!

2010 is going to be an amazing year... I feel it already

Happy Thanksgiving

Had the greatest Thanks Giving ever... My parents (in-laws) and my niece came down and made the day truly awesome...

I cant help but reflect on last year. I had been in the hospital out of the country for almost two months not knowing what the future had in store for me. I found out quickly what matters most in this world and that is those you hold close to your heart and those who hold you close. I am so thankful for the beautiful, loving people in my life. I am thankful God blessed me so abundantly... Happy Thanksgiving friends near and far. I love you

Loving Life

Life is great, really loving our new home. I got the whole house unpacked in less then two weeks so I feel good about that. I didn't really need to do a whole lot of painting as the person before us had my taste in colors so that was good. Everything looks good now just have to do little things here and there. We still feel like we are on vacation really enjoying the great weather. We live on the water and I saw my first gator about week two and I was soooooo excited I almost peed my pants. I have seen 3 of them so far. Tim calls me Mrs do little as I feed a bunch of turtles and birds from our dock every day. They all had names but they look so much alike that they intermingle names daily.

The great news is I am a mother again. We brought a new girl into our family her name is Daisy Mae Cleland and she turned 8 weeks yesterday. I am exhausted... She is a beautiful wonderful handful that loves to use her teeth and when I say they are sharp I am not even close... The problem is she likes to bite my lips, ouch!!

God is good and he has really been blessing me, giving me peace and filling voids. Life is good.

One Week

OMG, I cant believe it, one week from today I will be on a plane going to my new home... The feelings of loss are starting to settle in... I am such a private person and I don't have allot of friends but those that I do have are so near and dear to me. The thought of leaving them really breaks my heart...
Then there is Tim's mom. She has been one of the greatest influences in my adult life. She has truly been a mother and friend to me and I have not allowed myself to even think of a separation between the two of us until this week and thought my heart would rip out of my chest. So I quickly put that thought away, they will be helping us move down so we get an extra week with them... I pray that they move down with us... We shall see...

Im not Lost

So, it has been way too long since I have blogged and so much has been going on. For those of you who don't know, we are moving. Yep, we move on the 30th of the month and couldn't be more excited. Things have been way crazy though. We weren't looking for a move although we have wanted it for a long long time. Tim got a call out of the blue about a job, we put the house on the market it sold a week later bought our house that weekend and the rest is history. We will be going from 4,300 square feet of home to 2,200 so pretty much cutting our house in half. We bought a bigger house here thinking one day we were going to fill it with babies. Oh well that didn't happen. I am kind of looking forward to cleaning it. it is going to be done in a flash. More time to swim in the pool... Its funny what happens when your not looking for it!!!

I still am having some medical issues but I really feel they will be over VERY soon. I have my stint removed on the 24th. At the last appointment he said he believes my stomach is closed but wouldn't know for sure without going in and/or having a contrast done. Just from my perspective I really do think things are looking up. I know very soon I will be saying I am healed...

Life is really great, I am coming to terms with all sorts of decisions and really feel good about how life has turned out. I do believe I will always wonder how things would have been with children but do know I am incredibly blessed with a handful of friends and family that loves me. Most importantly I have a strong relationship with God and feel His presence even when I am hurting. Life is good...

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday My Love,

Oh how I thank God for this day 38 years ago... For bringing you into the world to be my husband, confidant, friend, shoulder to lean on, hand to hold my everything... My life before you was sad in comparison. I am so blessed to be able to just sit beside you. I love you beyond words.
Happy Birthday

Let the sun shine

Oh my gosh, the past two days the weather has been beyond outstanding. Today it was in the 90's. We actually had to turn on the air conditioner today. Unfortunately I didn't have allot of time to enjoy it. Both days were filled to the brim. Luckily, its going to be nice the next two days so I am going to plant some flowers we bought yesterday and spend my day outside tomorrow.

Today was compassion day at church and they spoke about an organization that sponsors poor children in other countries. I cried through out the whole presentation. Needless to say, we are sponsoring both a girl and a boy. My little girls name is named Marieth she is from Tanzania, she turns 6 in two days. I am already in love with her. Our boys name is Felix he is from Peru and he just turned 6 in February. I cant wait to receive my first picture from my beautiful kids.

I had a rough night emotionally on Friday. I was holding my god-daughter dancing with her and out of no where my heart just broke. I still want so badly to dance with my own little girl and holding her was a reminder of just how beautiful this feeling is and how vacant my heart feels without her. I pray that this feeling one day subsides and I can move forward without this sadness in my heart.

Great News

Great news at the doctors this week. I will not have to have bypass surgery at least not yet. Turns out they didn't put me out completely so every time he went to put the clip on I would move. He did get two on but doesn't feel confident in how secure they are. We will see, in 6-8 weeks if it is not healed he will go in again only this time with me completely under. He will also put a stint in as I have some sort of blockage in my lower stomach that he feels is also aiding in keeping my stomach from healing. I am pleased beyond measure...

We went to Cirque Du Soleil last night and it was awesome. These people are talented beyond belief. I now want to go to Vegas and see the "real" thing. The lady who sat in front of us said she had been to at least four of them in Vegas and said this one was nothing in comparison. That's hard to believe because this truly was outstanding. We even got popcorn dumped on our heads by the clown... too cute

So, I had the surgery/procedure done last Wednesday and it doesn't look good on the home front... He found a twist at the bottom of my stomach that causes some blockage and feels that this is what is keeping the hole at the top of my stomach open and feels that I will need a bypass surgery. I am going in on Wednesday to talk about the particulars but I am a little worried about losing too much weight. Mind you I have weight to lose but not that much. Like I said I am going in on Wednesday to have my million questions answered. At least I feel like there is some relief coming my way.

We have also discussed selling the house and moving closer to the Annapolis area. The market stinks, but I would be closer to so many friends, family, and our church. I have always been a loner and oh so private. After all these medical problems I am finding I really want to be around people more and feel the love... So we shall see...

Big Boy Bruiser

Today I post with a very heavy heart... Our Beloved Bruiser had to be put to sleep today. I am so sad that our time was so short with him, we only had him for a short 2.5 years. Tomorrow would have been his 3rd Birthday. This dog has added so much to our lives. He had an amazing sense of humor, always had a smile, and willing to play at any time. He weighed 146lbs and yet still wanted to be a lap dog. He was very loving and sweet.... He was a rescue dog and I am guessing because of some of his behaviors, the first six months of his life wasn't ideal. We gave him a place of peace and love and I hope he felt it every day he was here with us.

I LOVE YOU BRUISER AND I WILL MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!

Juno

Okay, what am I some sort of sadist. So, I totally avoided watching Juno for the past couple of years. I knew it would be an emotional ride I just didn't want to take. So today I was skimming through the TV guide channel and there it was JUNO. I said, don't watch it, its going to hurt you, I agreed with myself and moved on. Low and behold at 2:00 I whipped out the remote and turned it on. I am glad it was quirky as well as sad otherwise I would have fallen apart. I thought Jennifer's character was molded after me. The love, fear, want, need, etc. she displayed was everything I was feeling and still feel. I am glad I finally watched it.

Operation

Today was supposed to be the day of another procedure but the doctors office dragged their feet so as you can see it didn't happen. I will be going in on the 25th. I cant wait. Who would have thought I would look forward to being operated on but I would do anything to progress my healing. I just pray that this is the final one. I have definitely taken a turn for the worse, having pains, leakage amount, heart burn, and just not sleeping. I just keep telling myself it could be much worse. I just have to keep the faith...
I have also been hurting lately wishing for that little girl I was certain I was meant to have. I still ache for her all the time. Its not as bad as it was last year but it still haunts me. Lift me up please.

Snow

I had a really nice weekend. Friday we celebrated our cousin Requelle's birthday. It was so much fun, sweet, and sentimental. Happy Birthday Requelle you are a beautiful gem.

Saturday we went shopping and that was nice I bought a pair of jeans that were 7 sizes smaller... woo hoo. It was a rough way to lose weight but in the end it will probably be worth it. Tim went back over to Uncle Bill and Aunt Eds to play Texas holdem. I wasn't feeling that great so I spent a relaxing night here doing my nails and just chilling.

Today was my first day to sing at church... I am so happy I did it and didn't pee my pants or pass out. I have wanted to do it for a long time but was always too scared. After I got so sick I promised myself I would start doing things that I have wanted to do even if they were out of my comfort zone. I am proud of myself and look forward to joining the Praise Team. Let me say if there is something you have always wanted to do, as Nike says, Just do it... Life is short and we are not promised tomorrow...
Now I am watching the beautiful snow come down, I love watching it in the lights at night. How pretty...

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day friends and loved ones... I am a sucker for love so I have always loved this day and for the most part either I have had a Valentine or Happily not had a Valentine so it has never been one of those days that I avoided... I have friends without a significant other who hate today. My thought is you have kids/dogs/cats/friends who love you, count your blessings. I try to look at what I do have rather then what I don't... Otherwise, I think I would go nuts.

I am not healed and have to go in next month for another procedure. This time they will be putting me completely under for some reason. I thought I was pretty much out last time so this should be interesting. I am a little sad about it. I really was hoping we were at the end of the road. I will just try to keep focused on healing and pray that next month is the time it gets healed.

My former sister-in-law and forever friend, is doing the 3 day 60 mile walk and I just thought I would post her page. If you felt lead to help support her I know she would appreciate it as would I. As a woman I cant thank her enough for dedicating herself to such a majorly strenuous task. Every penny counts, even if you can only donate $5 that's five more going into cancer research...



http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent?px=2458129&pg=personal&fr_id=1303&et=j3SmhlFfb1QFd2qOTok1lA..&s_tafId=85087

Endoscope

Well, the Endoscope was a breeze... I was talking then next thing you know I was waking up, it was over... My throat hurt but other than that nothing. I came home and had the best sleep of my life...While he was there he glued my fistula shut. Hoping that it stays shut otherwise we will do the same procedure again (not that big of a deal). Great news, no surgery is needed... wooooo hoooo....

I have a funny story about how insane I am. This week at church there was a need that went out. A young woman had gone to the hospital she is early in her pregnancy and was having problems with her head. She had previously had a brain tumor. Anyway, she has a 2 year old and if she was admitted they needed someone to take care of her. I volunteered. Here is the insane part. From there my mind went to oh if something serious happens to the mom we could adopt her. In my mind I had her room redone, us shopping, baking cookies, going to prom and sending her off to college. I know, I know, not healthy... The good news is mom is doing just fine and was not admitted to the hospital.

We are going to Hippodrome theater tonight to see Grease. I am so excited...

Tomorrow

Well, I am going for my Endoscope tomorrow. Its funny because I was cool as a cucumber but now all of a sudden I am nervous. I told Tim that last night and he said are you kidding me, you are the toughest person I know. You were in the hospital for over two months, almost died, endured more medical treatments than most people go through in a lifetime. Yes Dear, but I haven't had to do anything in over a month... I know in my heart its going to be no big deal but I am human and really hope there is no pain or gagging involved...

I am also praying that is no accumulative snow. It is snowing now but very lightly. There is light coverage on the ground but the roads look good. Today is one of those gray days where you just want to stay in bed all day or sit by a fire... I think I will go take a shower and then start a fire and read a bit and then maybe watch a movie... Sounds like a great plan.

Doctors

I had my appointment yesterday with the specialist. I didn't hear exactly what I wanted to hear but at least there is some resolution coming my way. He said if the hole in my stomach hasn't healed with this long of time, it never would on its own. So, I will have to be operated on again. He is going to do a scope to see how extensive of a surgery he has to do. He may have to go in and re-route things or he may be able to do an easy repair...I of course, am praying for the less invasive of the two. I will let you know how the scope goes...

On the bright side I really thought he was going to put me on a feeding tube again but not only did that not happen, he told me that I could eat solid foods , Also, I could sleep on my side and stomach. Its funny I have slept on my stomach my whole life. I have only slept on my back for the past 3 months. Last night I tried sleeping on my side and stomach and it felt foreign to me... My back appreciated it though...

Anniversary Week

Yep you guessed it, this week was our wedding anniversary, 15 years. First off I am so proud to be married that long in a time where people break for little to no reason. Yet, I wonder where the time went. I can remember almost every single detail of that day. We went to the courthouse, we didn't want the fuss of a big, everyone looking at us celebration. There are some days I regret this but it doesn't last for long. The truth of the matter is, its the marriage part that counts not the wedding. Although, a beautiful white dress would have been nice... ...

Not too much to report on the health front, I finally go to see the specialist this Wednesday and hopefully he will have, or make a plan for me. So maybe I will be re operated on, be put on liquid nourishment for a while, or we just wait. I am trying not to think about it too much, just sit back and see what God has in store for me... I am just glad to finally be looking at some sort of closure... pun intended

Happy New Year

We had a nice quite New Years Eve. We went to Toys r us on Tuesday and updated our game selection. So we played some games and waited until the ball dropped to have some sweet smooches. woo hoo... It was nice.

Yesterday we went to the movies to finally see 4 Christmas's it was cute, glad we got to see it there are plenty more movies I want to see right now but there are playoff games all weekend so that is going to have to wait... I already have to stuff in taking the boys to get washed, returning some gifts, and hitting the grocery store before the first game on Saturday... UUUGGGHHH

Anyway, I wish you all the very best year ever...