One Week

OMG, I cant believe it, one week from today I will be on a plane going to my new home... The feelings of loss are starting to settle in... I am such a private person and I don't have allot of friends but those that I do have are so near and dear to me. The thought of leaving them really breaks my heart...
Then there is Tim's mom. She has been one of the greatest influences in my adult life. She has truly been a mother and friend to me and I have not allowed myself to even think of a separation between the two of us until this week and thought my heart would rip out of my chest. So I quickly put that thought away, they will be helping us move down so we get an extra week with them... I pray that they move down with us... We shall see...

Im not Lost

So, it has been way too long since I have blogged and so much has been going on. For those of you who don't know, we are moving. Yep, we move on the 30th of the month and couldn't be more excited. Things have been way crazy though. We weren't looking for a move although we have wanted it for a long long time. Tim got a call out of the blue about a job, we put the house on the market it sold a week later bought our house that weekend and the rest is history. We will be going from 4,300 square feet of home to 2,200 so pretty much cutting our house in half. We bought a bigger house here thinking one day we were going to fill it with babies. Oh well that didn't happen. I am kind of looking forward to cleaning it. it is going to be done in a flash. More time to swim in the pool... Its funny what happens when your not looking for it!!!

I still am having some medical issues but I really feel they will be over VERY soon. I have my stint removed on the 24th. At the last appointment he said he believes my stomach is closed but wouldn't know for sure without going in and/or having a contrast done. Just from my perspective I really do think things are looking up. I know very soon I will be saying I am healed...

Life is really great, I am coming to terms with all sorts of decisions and really feel good about how life has turned out. I do believe I will always wonder how things would have been with children but do know I am incredibly blessed with a handful of friends and family that loves me. Most importantly I have a strong relationship with God and feel His presence even when I am hurting. Life is good...

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday My Love,

Oh how I thank God for this day 38 years ago... For bringing you into the world to be my husband, confidant, friend, shoulder to lean on, hand to hold my everything... My life before you was sad in comparison. I am so blessed to be able to just sit beside you. I love you beyond words.
Happy Birthday

Let the sun shine

Oh my gosh, the past two days the weather has been beyond outstanding. Today it was in the 90's. We actually had to turn on the air conditioner today. Unfortunately I didn't have allot of time to enjoy it. Both days were filled to the brim. Luckily, its going to be nice the next two days so I am going to plant some flowers we bought yesterday and spend my day outside tomorrow.

Today was compassion day at church and they spoke about an organization that sponsors poor children in other countries. I cried through out the whole presentation. Needless to say, we are sponsoring both a girl and a boy. My little girls name is named Marieth she is from Tanzania, she turns 6 in two days. I am already in love with her. Our boys name is Felix he is from Peru and he just turned 6 in February. I cant wait to receive my first picture from my beautiful kids.

I had a rough night emotionally on Friday. I was holding my god-daughter dancing with her and out of no where my heart just broke. I still want so badly to dance with my own little girl and holding her was a reminder of just how beautiful this feeling is and how vacant my heart feels without her. I pray that this feeling one day subsides and I can move forward without this sadness in my heart.

Great News

Great news at the doctors this week. I will not have to have bypass surgery at least not yet. Turns out they didn't put me out completely so every time he went to put the clip on I would move. He did get two on but doesn't feel confident in how secure they are. We will see, in 6-8 weeks if it is not healed he will go in again only this time with me completely under. He will also put a stint in as I have some sort of blockage in my lower stomach that he feels is also aiding in keeping my stomach from healing. I am pleased beyond measure...

We went to Cirque Du Soleil last night and it was awesome. These people are talented beyond belief. I now want to go to Vegas and see the "real" thing. The lady who sat in front of us said she had been to at least four of them in Vegas and said this one was nothing in comparison. That's hard to believe because this truly was outstanding. We even got popcorn dumped on our heads by the clown... too cute

So, I had the surgery/procedure done last Wednesday and it doesn't look good on the home front... He found a twist at the bottom of my stomach that causes some blockage and feels that this is what is keeping the hole at the top of my stomach open and feels that I will need a bypass surgery. I am going in on Wednesday to talk about the particulars but I am a little worried about losing too much weight. Mind you I have weight to lose but not that much. Like I said I am going in on Wednesday to have my million questions answered. At least I feel like there is some relief coming my way.

We have also discussed selling the house and moving closer to the Annapolis area. The market stinks, but I would be closer to so many friends, family, and our church. I have always been a loner and oh so private. After all these medical problems I am finding I really want to be around people more and feel the love... So we shall see...

Big Boy Bruiser

Today I post with a very heavy heart... Our Beloved Bruiser had to be put to sleep today. I am so sad that our time was so short with him, we only had him for a short 2.5 years. Tomorrow would have been his 3rd Birthday. This dog has added so much to our lives. He had an amazing sense of humor, always had a smile, and willing to play at any time. He weighed 146lbs and yet still wanted to be a lap dog. He was very loving and sweet.... He was a rescue dog and I am guessing because of some of his behaviors, the first six months of his life wasn't ideal. We gave him a place of peace and love and I hope he felt it every day he was here with us.

I LOVE YOU BRUISER AND I WILL MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!